A/N and Warnings: First, decidely non-cannon, although could be considered AU. This is just an idea that stuck a bit after seeing the challenge a couple of weeks back.

Thanks to Neroli for the beta and to CassieE and Nur for convincing me that it was completely terrible. Umm....this is fic is actually a tad personal for me, so do me a favor and don't leave any comments that aren't constructive criticism.

Disclaimer: Firefly and it's characters don't belong to me. But I will be paying to see them in May!

Relapse

Zoe let out a string of curses when she saw Mal crumpled over his desk with his belt around his arm. Some were directed at her Captain while the most colorful were reserved for the woman who had pushed him towards this latest relapse. It had been a good three years since Mal had experienced a setback like this, but just two days after that rutting Companion left the boat are all it took for him to run back to it.

Zoe roughly manhandled his body over to his cot oblivious to the number of bruises she inflicted in the process. He deserved any and all reminders of his stupidity. She checked his pulse before leaving to begin the long process of hunting down any stashes of the drug he might have hidden. It was a routine she knew well although she had hoped that she would never have to relive it again. It would take less time to search the boat if she told the crew, but that wasn't an option. If the crew even suspected that Mal had a problem like this, they wouldn't respect him. Few of them had been through the ordeals Mal had; she didn't expect them to understand the ghosts that drove him to it.

Zoe punched the locker on the bridge. There she went, making excuses for him again. True enough, both of them had enough bad memories that no one could blame them if they used illicit substances now and again to dull the visions. Problem was she knew Mal had entered the war with his little problem. There was a very good reason that a leader as good as Malcolm Reynolds nev