Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

here we go again

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Zoe and Wash exchange words post-series pre-BDM

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2754    RATING: 8.0 (G)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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"Hoban Washbure! I am shocked" Zoe remarked pretending to be hurt.

"What!!" her confused husband exclaimed, "It's not my fault you and Mal spend so much time together".

"WASH" Zoe was startled by the fact that the conversation was becoming serious.

"I really am shocked that you think the captain and I are anything more that friends!".

"That's NOT what im saying Zo," Wash said offensively."I..I..just wish I could be down there in the heat of the fight with you instead of stuck up here safe,and secure in the cockpit!"

Zoe was starting to get angry,"Well when ya signed up for the gohram job ya didn’t think ya would be in the middle of a gun fight did ya'??",she said with a face of stone and her arms crossed.

Wash was starting to realize that this was a fight that he shouldn’t have started.

"Well...no....no,not really but,that doesn’t change what's happened since" his boyish grin reappeared to his face "Us gettin' married..and..Kaylee an' Simon..well that just adds to the whole fun of the 'NO CREW ROMANCES' rule" he said holding his hands up in the air imitating Mal.

Zoes face was icy but her eyes were laughing, now she was willing to negotiate."Well Wash what should we do about this?".

Wash came back hard,and fast,"What do you mean 'what should we do' we cant do anything nothing that can break the loyalty the companionship..you know you love him!!!", he said in a heated anger.

Zoe said nothing,but rather arched a cool eyebrow with a face of surprise. Not surprised with the fact,(she wasn’t denieing it) but rather with was for saying it.

Wash (thought) he knew what she was thinking and quickly said "NOT LIKE THAT" with a face of anxiety and dismay.

Zoe was thrown off her train of thought. She immediately broke out in laughter, and eased into a smile with a roll of her eyes at her loving husband.

-------------------------------------------------

Just then Wash got a wave from Mal on the mule "Zoe, we got a problem, Badger aint happy and he's comin aboard....GET JAYNE". Zoe bent down, hugged he

Comments
Saturday, 03 December 2011 00:14
please comment i would love some feedback--this is my first fanatic i hope you like it
Saturday, 03 December 2011 02:39
Someone gave you a five? That's not very fair.

I myself don't give ratings. I have a hard time putting my opinions in numerical format.

That all said, I'm going to evaluate this relative to what it is, which is part "Slice of Life" fic and part "Character Study."

One thing I like about this is that you're willing to show that Zoe and Wash do have arguments.

There are a few quibbles I have, you've got some spelling and grammar errors, which a beta reader would really clear up. And while you don't really HAVE to have any resolution in a slice of Life fic, I am having a little trouble following Zoe and Wash's moods from beginning to end. Considering they're not all that happy while arguing, and a solution to the argument wasn't really reached, I don't understand why either of them end up happy.

I think you're just trying to get a handle on things, since this is your first fic and all, so I can understand all that. Keep tinkering and experimenting, don't let comments or ratings get you down. Once you really have a handle on the characters, you'll come up with your own theories and interpretations you want to explore, as well as episodic or longer stories. The best part of fanfic is when the writers and the readers get to do and see something that's never been seen. Writers may often have similar ideas (EBFiddler and Aliasse and I practically have a psychic connection) but each writer will often put a different twist on things.
Saturday, 03 December 2011 04:00
you are right i did not make it very cler -__- soriez the way i see it is wash doesnt really care anymore and zoe was content enough to let the aurgumet go thx for the imput and i am looking intoi a beta reader now :)
Saturday, 03 December 2011 05:15
Hey Iwantto,
Nice little fic you have going here. I think Byte pretty much touched on what needs to happen if you want to get better. I’m still struggling with a lot of things myself.
Keep your chin up, make your fics a bit longer if you can, and also walk away for a few minutes sometime then come back to it for a fresh read. You can find all kinds of issues that way.
Enjoyed your first story. Keep writing…..
BPZ
Saturday, 03 December 2011 18:35
A good start. Don'w worry about little bits and pieces needing a tweak, this is how you learn and sharpen up your writing skills and there are so many good examples on this site for you to get ideas from. Just keep writing and let the magic happen - we'll all be here. Ali D :~)
"You can't take the sky from me!"
Sunday, 04 December 2011 22:01
IWTMW--It's always nice to see a new author. Congratulations on your first posting! I find myself seconding what Bytemite said (or maybe that's thirding or fourthing). :-) In any case, my other bit of advice is to write it, then sit on it for a little while, look at it again--like BPZ says, you'll notice things when you come back to it--and then finally post it. It's very tempting to write and post immediately because it's such fun to get feedback, but things are vastly improved by a re-write (particularly if you can get a beta reader to look at it in the meantime). I tend to keep a buffer between first draft and posting, with lots of re-writes in between...how big a buffer you need depends on the length of the story, but it really helps to mull it over in the back of your mind for a while, to see if any other ideas come to mind to improve it, before you post it up there. As a real-life example, the story I am posting now was sketched in January 2011, first draft April-June 2011, major re-write in August 2011, and final re-write in October, a week before I started posting it. And then I adjusted a few things along the way based on reader feedback. Not that anyone else wants to be quite so tedious as I am about it, but I know that my stories improve a lot with revision, so I try to be patient and restrain myself from the temptation to write and post immediately. Good luck with your writing....This is a good place to learn and get feedback: the folks who comment here are very good with constructive feedback and encouragement.
Monday, 05 December 2011 05:06
thank You to ypu all for your feedback. I am now going to bed after having a marathon for inspirational purposes......(CRAPPPP i have school tomarow) hope you all have/ are having a wonderful day <3 alwas iwtmw :)

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