Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

Firefly: hidden mind

Saturday, October 9, 2004

this is my 1st fanfic posting. i'll be posting it in 3 parts, so i hope you like it. the story is that a guest comes on board serenity & the crew discover that he has a very close connection to river. but its not long before the hands of blue & an old foe come after them.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 1977    RATING: 9.0 (G)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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Firefly: Hidden mind

Created by: Joss whedon

Written by: David O'Reilly

1

2 by 2, hands of blue. These words haunted River Tam. In her dreams & even in her waking hours, the rhyme made up to

describe the dark men who had invaded her life was always in her mind. The ability to read minds that they forced on her

was something she would gladly be rid of if it meant she could be normal again. She felt safe on the firefly ship: serenity.

The crew of this transport vessel understood well her predicament. Mal, the captain, and his friend, Zoe, fought against

the very people that were now hunting her and her brother, Simon. River was well aware of the great sacrifice made by Simon

to rescue her. Even in the darkest moments of the academy, she never doubted that her brother would come for her. Now, on

board Serenity, she felt happy & safe. This crew were no friends of The Alliance and she knew they were her friends.

Despite Jayne Cobbs attitude towards her and the mystery that surrounded Sheppard Book. River knew that Book had secrets,

but also knew that he was a good & kind man, despite his choice in hairstyle. He would reveal his secrets eventually, but

not yet. For now, she slept peacefully knowing that she was among people who cared about her & that she would always be

free of those who pursued her as long as Serenity kept moving.

2

Everyday on Serenity starts pretty much the same. The whole crew gathers to have breakfast. They sit down together, eat

and trade stories. River loved these moments. They briefly took her mind off her troubles & for a moment, feel normal.

Simon sat down beside her & handed her her food. "This stuff may be mostly protein, but Kaylee does make it edible" Simon

said. Jayne takes a sniff at his bowl. "It still smells like crotch & it tastes worse. Wash, tasting his food, says "Not

as bad as that. Maybe you should just not eat it". "It beats eating nothing I suppose. Besides", Jayne says as he starts

to eat, "I didn't get this big & strong feeding off my mother". Wash t

Comments
Sunday, 10 October 2004 06:11
It's very hard to read with the lines broken the way they are. If you login, then go to the 'edit this fanfic' option on this story, you can backspace off those extra line breaks and redo the formatting so the paragraphs look like you intend--it would help immensely.

I like your story premise very much. Very intiguing notion you're working on. You have a lot of great one-liners throughout. My favorite was "he was a good & kind man, despite his choice in hairstyle". A great LOL moment.

You might take a look at your tense shifts--present to past (he looks/he looked) and try to make them all one or the other.

Very fine start!
ANONYMOUS
Monday, 11 October 2004 14:11
Here's a tip on how to keep that from happening again. Type the fanfic on Notepad, only hitting Enter when you start a new paragraph. When you're finished writing it up, turn off the wordwrap (which is in the Format pull-down menu) before copying and pasting. That way, the text won't look all chopped up when you post it.
Tuesday, 12 October 2004 17:52
I'm always a sucker for more Blue Hands drama, and I agree with Guildsister as to the formatting and tense. You've got the creative side down, just need to fix the technical. Do you have a proof-reader? If not (and if you want one) you can email me at john.sorensen@gunter.af.mil and I can give you next installments a lookover. . .
Tuesday, 12 October 2004 17:53
Apparently I need a proofer for my posts, but you get the idea. :-)
Saturday, 16 October 2004 15:38
Thank you for your comments. criticisim is always good. i am currently re-reading the rest of my story & will post the rest once i've made some adjustments. regarding the way the text came out after i posted it, i dont know how to fix it. when i went into the edit fanfic section, it all looked normal. i can only hope that this does not put people off reading it. there are 2 more parts left, so sit tight & they'll be posted soon.
Wednesday, 25 May 2011 23:36
That's really riveting! And please DON'T change the formatting, like the gaps between line, as i find it a lot easier to read. A really shiny fanfic! Do you mind if I post it on my blog? i'm creating a blog of all my favorite fanfics, and i recon that this one is one of them! :)

My blog:
fireflyserenityfanfic.blogspot.com/

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