Firefly: Hidden mind
Created by: Joss whedon
Written by: David O'Reilly
1
2 by 2, hands of blue. These words haunted River Tam. In her dreams & even in her waking hours, the rhyme made up to
describe the dark men who had invaded her life was always in her mind. The ability to read minds that they forced on her
was something she would gladly be rid of if it meant she could be normal again. She felt safe on the firefly ship: serenity.
The crew of this transport vessel understood well her predicament. Mal, the captain, and his friend, Zoe, fought against
the very people that were now hunting her and her brother, Simon. River was well aware of the great sacrifice made by Simon
to rescue her. Even in the darkest moments of the academy, she never doubted that her brother would come for her. Now, on
board Serenity, she felt happy & safe. This crew were no friends of The Alliance and she knew they were her friends.
Despite Jayne Cobbs attitude towards her and the mystery that surrounded Sheppard Book. River knew that Book had secrets,
but also knew that he was a good & kind man, despite his choice in hairstyle. He would reveal his secrets eventually, but
not yet. For now, she slept peacefully knowing that she was among people who cared about her & that she would always be
free of those who pursued her as long as Serenity kept moving.
2
Everyday on Serenity starts pretty much the same. The whole crew gathers to have breakfast. They sit down together, eat
and trade stories. River loved these moments. They briefly took her mind off her troubles & for a moment, feel normal.
Simon sat down beside her & handed her her food. "This stuff may be mostly protein, but Kaylee does make it edible" Simon
said. Jayne takes a sniff at his bowl. "It still smells like crotch & it tastes worse. Wash, tasting his food, says "Not
as bad as that. Maybe you should just not eat it". "It beats eating nothing I suppose. Besides", Jayne says as he starts
to eat, "I didn't get this big & strong feeding off my mother". Wash t
I like your story premise very much. Very intiguing notion you're working on. You have a lot of great one-liners throughout. My favorite was "he was a good & kind man, despite his choice in hairstyle". A great LOL moment.
You might take a look at your tense shifts--present to past (he looks/he looked) and try to make them all one or the other.
Very fine start!
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fireflyserenityfanfic.blogspot.com/
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