“Mal.”

“What?”

“It’s snowing.”

“So?”

“Just saying it’s snowing.”

“Yes, Jayne. I know.”

“A lot.”

“Ignore it.”

“Can’t.”

“Why not?”

“’Cause I’m starting to look like a snowman.”

“You got a carrot for a nose?”

“It’s red enough.”

“When it falls off, let me know.”

-

Five minutes later ...

“Mal.”

“What?”

“I'm hungry.”

“So?”

“So when I get hungry, I get cranky.”

“ Get cranky?”

-

Ten minutes later ...

“Mal.”

“What?”

“They got a night watchman.”

“So?”

“I ain’t shooting him.”

“I didn't ask you to.”

“’Cause River told me I wasn’t to shoot anyone on account of it being Christmas.”

“You don’t have to. I've got a plan.”

“So someone’s gonna shoot you?”

“Jayne ...”

“Just saying.”

-

Fifteen minutes later ...

“Mal.”

“What?”

“You know what they say about brass monkeys?”

“Jayne ...”

“What, Mal?”

“It’s time.”

---

“... and in local news, a Christmas tree storage facility was broken into earlier tonight. Local enforcement officers state that the two miscreants waited until the factory was closed for the holidays before accessing the security system and breaking into the safe where a large amount of currency was removed. Night watchman Rory O’Higgins apparently told Alliance federals that the two thieves were disguised as snowmen, and he couldn’t possibly identify either of them. Mr O’Higgins was not available for comment to this reporter as he appears to have retired immediately after the theft and has since moved permanently to the pleasure moon of Sahrain.

“Blue Sun, the owner of the storage facility, stated that as well as the money, a large tree was stolen, along with several ropes of flashing lights. Two mince pies and a glass of sherry also disappeared at the same time. Official disclaimer – other festivals are also available at this time of year, and the News Hour, sponsored by Wheaty Pops (the breakfast cereal for people on the go), holds no responsibility fo