Mal could not believe he’d let Jayne talk him into this. OK, well, not like he’d never been in a burlesque joint. But that had been back in his greenhorn recruit days. Somehow it just seemed wrong now, what with him gettin’ hitched to Inara and all.

Still, Jayne had insisted that there had to be something special for the bachelor party.

“Aww, c’mon Mal, it’ll be a hoot! One last big blowout before you get shackled. There’ll be purty dancin’ girls shakin’ their…”

“I get the idea, Jayne. And…uhhmm…no.”

And that would’ve settled the matter, save for his lovely intended bride, Kaylee and River delivering a full-court press to get him to go. They insisted that it would be fun and harmless. Couldn’t possibly be any worse than that unfortunate tattoo incident with the doc at his bachelor party.

Thus Mal found himself with front-row seats to a bevy of beauties in beads, bangles and not much else. Turned out Jayne had slipped the doorman some extra to get them the VIP seats. Mal began to suspect it was just a ruse for Jayne to be able to stuff bills into the dancers’ g-strings. With his teeth.

He also suspected that Jayne wouldn’t be sleeping alone tonight. Which was fine by him, so long as it didn’t happen on Serenity. Mal still had nightmares about that whole business with the twins.

Mal looked over at Simon, who was scrunched down into his chair, trying desperately to shrink into the red leatherette. Apparently Kaylee had lassoed him into playing chaperone. The doc looked about as happy to be there as he did.

A leggy redhead slithered up to Mal and leaned forward, giving him a more than abundant view of her charms. The feather boa artfully draped around her neck tickled Mal’s nose, and he was afraid he might let loose with a sneeze.

“So the big fellah tells me yer the groom. That so, Blue Eyes?”

Green. Remember that, Reynolds. Her eyes are green.

“So it would appear. But no need to make a fuss on my account.”

At that, she smiled, stood up, shimmied her satin-covered bottom