Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

Someone to carry you - Prologue

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Six months after BDM, The crew are once again in hard times as new threats appear and a mysterious medicine could make River Tam whole again.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2949    RATING: 7.0 (PG)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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This is my first fanfic and this one piece has taken me weeks to write. Please comment and give advice a new chapter should be coming soon, if you see any mistakes please let me know thanks.

Disclaimer : I don't own firefly It is Joss's world.

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Prologue

Apart from the sizzling hole that gapes at you like the echoing blackness of a dark cave which resides on the far wall when you enter the apartment, nothing seems out of place. If you make your way towards the living area things start to deteriorate fast. Through the sliding doors, on the floor lay three men. Three men in black. Three agents of the Alliance.

The rooms décor is no longer that hint of calm or Zen that it had once had, during the summer days. During those days when the sun rose, the carefully placed skylight on the eastern wall would allow the room to be penetrated with bright amber light that would bring out the bright pictures that plaster the walls and oriental symbols and statues that populate the room with a sense of pride, casting their judgemental eyes on everything and anyone within their domain.

Now the statues lie chipped and smeared with the blood of the dead Alliance men, whose faces are now transfixed in a pose of terror, their eyes open and their mouth ajar, each one a horrific reminder of their final moment in life. The only remaining place of peace in this apartment resided in the room at the back, a small study with no exits, where two dead men were ready to fight.

The Operative sat in a praying position, his hands placed firmly on his thighs, the room around him narrow and packed wall to wall with shelves and bookcases, some with the books placed neatly side by side, while others had smaller volumes squeezed between two larger editions, piled side by side then vertically upon one another methodically, some by alphabetical order others by subject. They weren’t catalogued perfectly but there was a method to the madness of their placement. The Operative looked up a

Comments
Thursday, 03 April 2008 16:25
Good opening. Nice action sequence too, and I like that the Operative's apartment would be one big trap.

My only quibble would be that you really need a beta, just to make sure you use the right word here and there, and also to perhaps break up the paragraphs more. That would make it easier to read, especially with action. But great first attempt!
Friday, 04 April 2008 01:46
Interesting start, looking forward to what you do with the rest.

I do agree with Jane0904, breaking up the paragraphs would make it easier to read.
BLACKHAWKPILOT
Thursday, 10 April 2008 21:37
You really, really, really need either a beta reader or a good proofreader. All your misspellings and mis-used words are very distracting. Looks like it will be an interesting story, though.
Wednesday, 21 May 2008 14:01
I proof-read this, fixed up a bunch of things, so I could be slightly biased, but I quite liked it. It's rather action heavy, but many prologues do that sort of thing as a teaser. The rest of the story should be interesting, as this is a good chapter and will no doubt get better.
Saturday, 09 August 2008 18:50
*needs to see more of it* ;)

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