The Rules of Cobb

Author owns no rights to Firefly, and no copyright infringement is intended:)

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I been a merc for a good while, seen ‘bout ever place they is to see something in this ‘verse. Ain’t seen it all, o’ course, but a good bit.

I ain’t never been accused o’ bein’ a smart man, but then I don’t never let on how much I know ‘bout nothin’. Learned a long while back, folks don’t want no smart merc workin’ for’em.

I’ve gleaned a pearl or two o’ wisdom, here and there, and figured as how I was thinkin’ on writin’ my memorares, or whatever, I’d take ta writin’ down a few of’em.

Rule #1 – Don’t never let crazy people around nothin’ sharp. They’ll cut ya, then mumble some off the wall go se about how much better ya look.

Rule #2 – Don’t never take up with a Captain that’s got a death wish, or a hero complex. He’ll git ya hurt. Or killed. Or near ‘et by reavers. Or tracked by bounty hunters. Or Blue Sun. Or damn near anyone else, for that matter. Pick a Captain that’s out for the coin, and treats you like crew. That’s important.

Rule #3 – Don’t be on a ship with a Companion. They think they’re better’n you, cause they’s all fancy. They’re whores, just like the ones in the brothels. Might know a few more tricks, mind, and cost a good bit more, but still.

Rule #4 – Never make the ship’s engineer mad. All manner o’ things can go wrong with your bunk’s climate controls. Ain’t worth it.

Rule #5 – Don’t never be where reavers are. Period.

Rule #6 – Don’t never take the first offer ya git. If’n they want ya bad ‘nough, they’ll offer more. If they don’t, you may need to shoot’em, so be watchin’.

Rule #7 – Ain’t nothin’ in this ‘verse ‘free’. Someone tells you it’s free, whatever ‘it’ is, you don’t need it.

Rule #8 – Keep away from crazy people. They’re dangerous.

Rule #9 – Don’t never show fear to no one. ‘Cept reavers. That’s okay. You ain’t scared o’ reavers, you ain’t right in the head.

Rule #10 – Never let nobody know how much you know, or where you came fr