River’s Rules of Happily Ever After

Author owns no rights to Firefly, and no copyright infringement is intended. Fanfic only.

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Marriage, like many things in life, is a partnership. There cannot be a happy marriage unless both parties work in unison toward that goal.

Sometimes it may seem like a lost cause. Do not despair, for you are far from the first, or only, woman to feel that way. I believe that it is part of a natural progression following the glucose type ‘high’ of the initial passion between the couple.

There are a few simple things that we, as women, can do to ensure that we have the fairy tale that every girl dreams of while growing up. As an aide and guide, I have committed some of these to paper, drawing upon my own experience, so that others may know what I have learned the hard way.

No, I meant by experience. Yes, that’s it. By experience.

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1) Men are fickle creatures, with fragile egos and often given to whims of fancy. Therefore it is often necessary to find the right balance in order to allow your mate to maintain the illusion that he does, indeed, ‘wear the pants’, so to speak, in your relationship. For instance, when he decides that he simply must have the latest available optics for his rifle, dress in something very revealing, and offer to accompany him. Insist on it, in fact. He will change his mind.

2) Men are often given to having a wandering eye. It is simply their way, do not be alarmed by it. Men will look, even if you’re standing there with them. They’ll simply be more subtle. Sneaky, in other words. I have found that a well placed glare is often the most simple solution to this problem. Should the subject prove resistant to that, however, feel free to move to the next phase, which is a tearful look, complete with trembling lip and cracked voice, (you may need to rehearse), with a very loud and public declaration of ‘you don’t love me anymore!’. That will do the trick.

Oh, and when he tries to comfort you later on, and he will, allow him to do