Blue Sun Room FICTION - HORROR

The Last Firefly: Chapter 04

Saturday, June 16, 2007

It's been three years since the planet Miranda was publically released. The Alliance has had three years to think of something new... (Rating might change later)

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 1747    RATING: 8.0 (PG13)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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Note: I love this chapter. A sentence came to mind when I was jogging, and it made me turn on heel and sprint home. Rock on. :D

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Serenity: The last Firefly

Chapter Three: I am sin

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Nyle laid there for a moment feeling the whole world spin. He came to and panicked. The children! His mind screamed. Only a few of the kids were alright, they huddled together in a corner with tears and dirt covering their faces. He rolled to his side and crawled to his knees. He saw two of the children splayed on the ground with holes scattered across their bodies.

“Since when has the great parliament assassin become so weak? Surprised you’re not dead yet, eh? I wanted you to live a little longer to see where your idiocy has taken you. Children and people are dead because of you, once again.” He glanced around for the voice. Two elaborately belted boots stepped into his view blocking the sight of the students. “Isn’t this the same man who hunted the Tam siblings and was the bringer of death to hundreds of men, women and children?” The woman was making Nyle feel ashamed. “Now, before I go over there,” She nodded to the group of children, “And slaughter the rest of them, tell me everything you know about the Alliance and the Tams.”

He took his time speaking about what he knew. Nyle was trying to buy time for his body to recover a little after her brutal attack. He told her everything, down to the details. She listened, not saying a word, she didn’t focus on anything and she didn’t seem to notice as the children slipped away from her grasp. Nyle felt relief as the children ran off. He would do anything to save as many as he could.

“That’s everything I know.” He said breathing in the smell of the earth under him. His head was bowed before her and his hands on his knees.

“Not too bad. This reminds me of another story of similar proportions. Another Parliament Assassin who failed his mission and became a shepherd. Oh yes, weren’t you the one who ordered the whole town destroyed. That’s not very Chr

Comments
Saturday, 16 June 2007 23:31
Okay, that was a cool line. I'm not sure yet if I'm a fan of your writing style. Sometimes the dialogue and plot feel a bit rushed. Now, I'm not bashing you, just politely suggesting that you take your time.

Keep writing. You'll only get better with time.


Rob O.
PA1NE
Saturday, 16 June 2007 23:36
No problemo~! I appreciate the feedback. I shall take it into consideration for the next chapter. I don't plan to please everyone nor am I worried about writing perfection. I just like to have fun. :D

Thanks for the comment!
Sunday, 17 June 2007 00:12
I'm really enjoying this series. You make it hard to guess what's coming next. Keep it up! I'll be waiting for more soon!
Sunday, 17 June 2007 04:45
This was awesome!! I think you and I have the same style cause niether I manage to calm down when writng LOL I'm really looking foward to the next part cause this one was real hints ;) Keep it up

Kim
Thursday, 21 June 2007 01:48
A bit fast-paced for my personal tastes...but definitely one hell of a closing line you got there, Pa1ne;D

And I was seriously chuckling at Simon's attempt to keep Kaylee happy by eating the horrid slop she had prepared:D

BEB

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