“Let her go,” Branscombe said, stepping forwards, regardless of his own safety. “She’s a child!”
Jones pressed the knife point a little harder into River’s skin, drawing a single drop of blood that ran quickly down the blade. “And I have finished waiting!”
River smiled, and Branscombe felt a thrill like ice water run down his spine.
---
Mal’s comlink buzzed. Quickly freeing it from his pocket he whispered, “Yeah?”
Freya’s voice sounded quietly. “Mal, Jayne’s nearly got to Inara. Level five.”
He smiled a little. “Good work. River tell you that?”
“Yes. She also said to hurry before she does something she won’t regret.”
“Like what?”
“Do we really want to find out?” Freya asked.
“Not really. We’re almost at the ballroom.”
---
Jayne nodded towards a door. “That’s it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” He reached up to the frame, running his large calloused fingers along it, then grinned as a small key fell into his palm. “Told ya.” He unlocked the door.
“Jayne?” Inara cried from inside, throwing her arms around him.
“You okay?” he asked, looking her up and down. “Not hurt, are ya?”
Inara glanced at the bruises on her hands from where she’d been beating the door but shook her head. “No, no. But River –“
“Cap’s taking care of that,” Jayne assured her. “Come on. Best get you home.” He put his arm around her and stepped out into the corridor.
“Jayne!” Jethro shouted, pushing him back, falling into the room himself even as a shot rang out.
-
River screamed.
-
“Oh, dear God,” Freya breathed, staring at Hank, her face going white.
-
Mal ran into the ballroom, fearing the worst.
Jones looked startled, his ears ringing from the noise she was making, and it gave her more than enough time. She slipped under his arm like oiled water, pulling the knife from his hand and slitting his throat in one smooth movement. Blood spattered across her skin but she ignored it as he fell to the floor, thrashing as his life spread out beneath him.
His men
You can't take the sky from me
Sorry if you feel otherwise.
You ask for feedback for your stories and this time I wanted to be honest with how I thought about the characterization . I seldom give negative reviews (and hey! I hope you took my positive feedback to heart as well) because people usually can't handle it.
Please don't feel bad about me feeling this way.
I'm not sure about Inara being in or out of character. I think she'd definitely yell at Mal for sticking his nose where it didn't belong (in her opinion), but I don't know if she'd begrudge the fact that Mal came back for her and in the end saved her life.
But I'm okay with it as far as the story goes. I can't wait to read more!
Let's see...probably should do my "critical" comments before anything else, to get the negative out of the way:
1) Jethro's death? Brilliant moment and totally shocking. Bit of a tension disappointment though - he saves Jayne's life with little obvious lead-up - but definitely something that fits in with both what Joss & co did with the series and movie, and the various plot twists you've crafted so far Jane0904;
2) Inara slapping Mal? Hmm...mixed reaction to this. Inara's upset that someone she's grown to care for just got shot protecting her and Jayne from harm, and that Mal decided to insert himself and the crew into a situation that she feels didn't need their presence. However, I would have laid money on her getting into a screaming fit over the situation, rather than hauling one off. But hey...author's prerogative and all gives you the power here, Jane *friendly smile*;
3) Capt. Branscombe's reaction to River's naked display of her fighting skills? Uh...I would think he would be kinda freaked out at seeing a young woman who probably weighs 90lbs soaking wet eviscerate several guys with a knife. I know I would, and I have dealt with some freaky shit in my time.
Ok...niggly complaints aired, so time for the praise! Sufficed to say, Jane0904...you rock! Even after narking on those three points, I think you did an outstanding job on the chapter and I really can't wait to see where things go from here. Definitely can't wait to see how Jayne tries to shy away or become River's slave to compensate for his perceived guilt over Jethro's death:D
BEB
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