Blue Sun Room FICTION - HUMOR

Plan A Never Works

Monday, March 19, 2007

My first Mal/Inara fic. I have found out that good Mal/Inara "conversation" is hard to write. So if you have constructive criticism please let me know. Many thanks to my beta Girlaskew for helping me get over the awkward parts.

DISCLAIMER: Joss writes these characters much better than I do Yackety Smackety

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 3746    RATING: 9.0 (PG)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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Legitimate jobs normally didn't strain the crew of Serenity, but things generally didn't go smoothly for the crew of the cargo ship. The first job since Miranda had gone smoothly, so smoothly that Jayne stomped around the ship in a snit because he didn't get to use any of his newly cleaned guns. Except for Jayne, everyone including Serenity herself, let out a sigh of relief as Beaumond disappeared and the silence of the Black engulfed them.

That evening after dinner Kaylee brought out two jugs of her inter-engine brew. She had found them shortly after the crash, while she was fixing Serenity up again. It was a miracle that they had survived, so she had decided to keep them and bring them out when she thought they were needed and that time was now.

The crew scrounged glasses and mugs and broke the seal on the first jug. Mal was very surprised as he watched Inara drink several glasses of Kaylee’s concoction. Before, Inara would politely sip her jasmine tea and quietly retire to her shuttle before the crew got really rowdy.

After about two hours of laughing and drinking everyone wandered off. Jayne to his bunk to sleep off his mild buzz and Simon and Kaylee slipped away to Simon's passenger dorm.

Finally, Mal and Inara were alone. “I thinkin’ you’re a mite tipsy,” Mal said amused as he watched Inara politely lift a hand to her mouth to hide a hiccup. “I ain’t so clear-headed myself, so I know you ain’t sober.”

Inara attempted to straighten the slump that had overtaken her shoulders. “You’d be surprised how sober I am. I’ve got a surprising tolerance for alcohol. A Companion has to stay clear headed no matter how much she has imbibed.” Inara hiccuped again.

“The high and mighty Inara Serra is drunk with a petty thief.”

“I’m not intoxicated.” She emphasized pointing at Mal with a shaky finger. “I’m just a little out of practice that’s all. I haven’t had more than a glass or two of wine since I was teaching at the Training House and that was fine wine, not space ship engine brewed moo

Comments
Monday, 19 March 2007 01:37
Well, ever'body is postin' good stuff today. I like it.
Monday, 19 March 2007 02:32
You know...I think it says something when the quality Mal/Inara moments in fanfic seem to come when either one or both of them are under the influence of either alcohol or a mood-altering substance. Mainly that there is too much in the way of walls and masks that have to be taken down or put away before the really honest stuff comes out to play:(

Still...this was some utterly beautiful work, ncbrowncoat! I especially loved how you ended this, since it both emphasizes Mal's core nobility and compassion...and it counterbalances the moment in "Our Mrs. Reynolds" when Inara lays one on Mal while he's out cold from the Goodnight Kiss in relief;D

BEB
Monday, 19 March 2007 02:58
Thanks for the comments folks. You've made me feel real good.

BEB I intentionally made you think of "Our Mrs. Reynolds". It's one of my favorite episodes. Along with Trash, Shindig, Bushwacked, Heart of Gold ....oh well, all of them.
WHELP
Monday, 19 March 2007 04:02
The dialogue was ok, but up to that, your exposition at the beggining was very halting and stuttering in its pacing. Get someone to streamline it so that the sentences flow together instead of jerking along as standalones smushed up against each other.
Monday, 19 March 2007 10:47
This was great and I did smile at the end with Inara passing out on Mal before he could kiss her. Loved this and oh my, I wonder how they will react on waking? I'm thinking Inara will be back to trying to keeping Mal (and her feelings for him) at arms' length, such a pity that would be. Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me
Tuesday, 20 March 2007 01:20
I rarely comment on other people's work, but since we're both New Carolinians an' all . . .

I have to agree with Whelp. Your set-up was a little jerky, and you never provide a pay-off (i.e. just why was this job going smoothly? Missed opportunity for some levity, there.) A stronger sense of occasion around the bottle, perhaps with some witty dialog, would also not have been amiss. Stronger descriptions of setting and character all around would have leant strength to the piece.

That being said, you played the characters well, very authentically. My criticism on that front would be more humor (which I know is hard to do on the fly)and some internal monolog would have been nice. Also, a longer lead-up to the payoff would have helped. Lastly, firmly maintaining POV (ALWAYS hard for me) is essential.

All in all, a good piece. GREAT title (I may steal it -- fair warning). In short, I enjoyed it.

ScrewtheAlliance
Tuesday, 20 March 2007 23:36
I loved it.

the characters were grrrrreat!

plus I love how you had Inara be a little less like her normal companion self but she didn't completely lose herself. very good.

I agree with STA, it could've used some stronger descriptions but all in all I liked it quite a lot!

OO765

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