Title: That Which Shapes A Man

Chapter Six: Tormented

Author: mercsgoodgirl

Disclaimer: All belongs to Joss. Just one woman’s take on the story.

Rating: PG-15 for heavy angst

Characters: Jayne, Kaylee, Crew, ofc, omc

Pairing: Jayne/Kaylee in some chapters

Setting: About the time of "Those Left behind"; also, twenty-five years previously.

Word Count: 2,462; chapter six of thirteen

A/N: From the first time I watched Firefly, I wondered what circumstances might have shaped the character of Jayne Cobb, an exceptionally complex man. The given name "Jayne" was a common variant of "John" in Victorian England. This story emerged from the questions I asked.

Thanks to my excellent beta, ArtemisPrime. Italics indicate memories and dreams. To read previous chapters, click on my name above.

Questions, thoughts and comments are sincerely appreciated. Thanks!

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Chapter Six: Tormented

Back on Serenity…

Alone in his bunk, Jayne stares blankly at the far bulkhead, sipping every so often from the whisky bottle Kaylee’d provided. He’s lost in the past, his mind turning over and over memories of pranks he and Mattie played, going fishing together, sledding down Weaver Street Hill in their mother’s washtub, telling ghost stories late at night. He remembers how Mattie felt, curled up beside him at night, the soft, familiar smell, the chronic cough. Of his Ma reminding him, “He’s yer little brother, Jayne, an’ it’s up to you to look out for ‘im.”

And he remembers his brother’s final, haunting question, those bewildered dark eyes filling with tears. “Will I ever see you again, Jayne?”

He empties the bottle and pitches it into his laundry basket.

“How come you’re leavin’, Jayne?”

How do you tell the kid who thinks you’re a hero that you’ve killed a man in the course of a robbery and just signed on with the next ship leaving the world because you’re a wanted