Losing Wyn
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
Mal experiences the loss of a childhood friend after his first major combat experience in the war.
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 1382 RATING: 9.0 (PG) SERIES: FIREFLY
This is just a little one shot scene of Mal and a childhood friend at the end of their first major combat situation in the war. I hope you like it, if you do let me know, maybe I’ll write more. If not, please let me know why. It’s helpful to hear either way.
I’d like to thank Engineangel for the beta and helping me with the ending, and ItsAWash for helping with the title, as well as encouraging me to write it in the first place. Her shiny stuff can be found at:
http://www.fireflyfans.net/fulluserbluesunlist.asp?un=ItsaWash>'ItsaWash's Shiny Stuff'
Losing Wyn
The battle had been more intense than anyone had expected it would, and as the dust settled on the plain, the carnage was clearly evident. Bodies lay broken; those of browncoats and Purple Bellies alike. Injured soldiers limped or crawled, pulling themselves along the ground to the nearest rock or bush to lean a broken head against. A couple of wrecked vehicles smoldered in ruin, and the only sounds to be heard were the final cries of the mostly dead.
Mal was stunned. His ears were still ringing, and his eyes were burning from the smoke. Neither he nor Wyn, his childhood friend, had seen action like this since joining the Independents. He thought back to training, to the simulated battles they had taken part in "war games"; that was all they had been. This was real.
Reaching out to grab hold of a boulder, Mal pulled himself to his feet and surveyed the area. Wiping the grit from his eyes he struggled to focus. To his right a young Independent grunt was frantically trying to stop the blood that was pulsating from a gaping wound in his side. A few feet in front of him, he noticed a detached leg, its owner nowhere to be seen. Body parts lay astrewn among rocks and bushes. Transfixed by the scene, Mal froze. He’d never seen such gore, not in human form. He struggled to keep the sickness from spewing forth as he turned away, but found no relief; the horror was everywhere. Doubling over, his stomach convulsed, send
You can't take the sky from me
You do a great job with the characterization of Mal, especially taking into account his still intact faith and mind set before he loses everything in the war.
I love this line: "Transfixed by the scene, Mal froze. He’d never seen such gore, not in human form." Just something about "human form". Very nice.
I also like how you refer at one point to Wyn as Mal's "broken friend".
"Picking up his weapon, he fired three quick shots into the air. The response was swift. Four Browncoats ran towards Mal, their own weapons trained on the pair as they approached." ------- definitely something Mal would do in desperation, although risky.
"Pulling his friend close, Mal lifted his eyes heavenward and taking the cross around his neck in his hand, he prayed. Help me…help me to save him." ------ I like that you included all the layers in Mal's past. Faith was a big thing, until he lost it in the war, so he would have definitely tried this. Again, great characterization.
"The man's statement cut Mal to the heart. "…he didn't die alone…" Mal's face hardened. We all die alone.." ------ I love that you tied this into the fic! It really works well.
Very tragic, loved it, and want to see more. :)
It's only after his stomach has responded to the carnage that he recalls his brother-in-arms, best childhood friend isn't accounted for. Natural and right, that his mind would be fogged, body wracked by what he feels, sees. I felt his anguish when his mind cried out Wyn's name.
Love this line: "...the one true friend who’d chosen to follow him off to join the Browncoats in search of adventure." *smiles* This is how it'd be, how he'd feel about his pal who joined up with him, and...dude...that they are in the midst of hell and you remind us right here that they thought they were gonna find adventure. Pirate's clubhouse stuff instead of the 5th level of Dante's Inferno.
And then you have Mal telling Wyn about the angels, presaging his encouraging words in the pilot. GOOD work! "You’re gonna be okay, buddy,” Mal comforted, holding Wyn’s head in his hands. “I’m gonna get you out of here. The angels are coming.”
The minutiae of observations on Wyn's injury? True and right: "Wyn’s face was twisted, the pain in his head growing more and more as the area around his injury swelled." Further down, Mal's working a tourniquet around the stump, and then further applying pressure to the head wound and even later, blood from the mouth an indicator of internal damage: more good medical field knowledge.
And this: “We promised we’d get each other through this, and I don’t aim to let my end of that promise go dark.”----Mal don't aim to let his end of that promise go dark. Man, what a great use of the black, coming from Mal. It's a wonder and in perfect character.
The military drills and trains people till action is 2nd nature and this scene is dead on in that respect: "“Stay with me!” He had to keep Wyn conscious until help could arrive. Remembering his training, Mal loosed his grip slightly."
A stolen boat, shaved eyebrows, I smiled at the memories and I know some part of Wyn would have too. Loved the tenderness of Mal doing his level best to keep Wyn's mind on the then, keep his friend in the now, living.
Wyn knows he's dying, begs that Mal tell his parents he was a good browncoat...Way to bring tears to my eyes. Felt that moment big.
The troops gleaning among the wounded, blessing with treatment only those who could be made able-bodied enough to go fight some more...horrible and vivid and exactly right. I shudder at the thought of it.
I agree with Engie on the gutsy move of firing off the gun to bring aid. Risky but needed, for sure.
Stark bare line: "Wyn exhaled, long. He was gone." Perfectly done, a simple end to a sad, wretched struggle.
Strict orders to the grieving Mal: "“Straighten up soldier!” came a voice from behind him. “You’re needed on the line!”" Yeah, it'd be like that. And later the trooper tries to give Mal some peace, so well done: "“He didn’t die alone, and besides, all this evil is behind him now. He’s in a better place,” the voice behind him continued, placing a co
Amazing work with the dialogue and imagery, I must say! ItsaWash summed up what I wanted to say, but I gotta add that I really found your use of the word "brother" strikes a powerful message, in that you've written it that Wyn could be either Mal's literal sibling or metaphorical one due their share past:D
BEB
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