A/N: This is a one-shot I've had done for a while and I thought I'd share. It has major overtones of Simon/Kaylee, so don't read if that's not your thing.

I also just finished another one-off regarding this exact same topic, which I will probably post in a month or so. Just two different takes of the same fall-out.

Thanks to Leiasky for the beta. And thanks to everyone who I know will leave those shiny comments!

***

Guilt

She had tried, really she had. In those first few days after the intrusion, Kaylee had tried to be normal, act normal, stay normal. She had played games with River, visited with Simon in the infirmary, even worked in the engine room, trying to keep her ship in top form.

But it didn’t matter. Every night, as the ship cycled down and the lights dimmed, as it again got quiet and still, Kaylee could not sleep. She could not even lie down. All she could do was stay up, staring off into space, listening for the slightest noise, jumping at what had once been comforting creaks, starting at the sound of a routine tweak. And she hated it.

It made her stomach turn, violently. Every time she’d close her eyes and see his red-sheathed form, her mouth would tingle in that uncomfortable way that meant she was going to retch. And she would, emptying whatever small bits of food she had managed to choke down. So, she had stopped eating, it seemed the only logical solution to that problem, and it was working, except now she was weary all the time and dizzy.

But she still could not sleep. No one seemed to notice as she slowly deteriorated, everyone trapped in some selfish phase or another: the captain brooding over Inara’s imminent departure; Simon passed out from the pain medication needed to treat his leg; the Shepherd spending more time praying than ever before; Wash and Zoe tangled up in “Wash-and-Zoe,” and Jayne just acting like Jayne. Of course, River was about, she always was, but Kaylee had very little faith that she could see anything past her own insanity.

An