Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

Called on Account of Rayne

Friday, June 25, 2004

River and Jayne? But how? Zoe and Mal arrested, BlueHands in pursuit, and our most unlikely heroes must save the day.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 4992    RATING: 9.0 (PG13)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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                                    Firefly: "Called on Account of Rayne"
                                                   TEASER
               EXT. SPACE - NIGHT
               SERENITY sails silently through the void. A beat to establish and then -
               INT. SERENITY MAIN CORRIDOR - NIGHT
               MAL and ZOE walk together, headed towards the cockpit.
                                   MAL
                         I know what you're going to say.
                                   ZOE
                         Yes sir.
                                   MAL
                         So say it and let's get it over with.
                                   ZOE
                         Sir, I just don't think we should be going near any core
                         worlds any time soon.
                                   MAL 
                         And if the 'verse were on our side, we wouldn't have to. But
                         you heard Kaylee -
                                   ZOE
                         Yes sir, I did. She said that fuzzbuster we got from Reid
                         could give us an extra hour's warning of an approaching
                         Alliance ship.
                                   MAL
                         That hour could make the difference between a successful
                         salvage and prison.
                         But we need a yu bun duh adaptor to hook it up to our very
                         old, but nonetheless functional comm system.
                                   ZOE
                         Does it make sense, if what we're trying to achieve is less
                         trouble from the Alliance to head straight into Alliance
                         territory?
                                   MAL
                         One quick trip, that's all. If it works, we'll -
               Mal pauses. They're standing right in front of Jayne's
Comments
Friday, 25 June 2004 19:37
Oops. May be hard to read. When I pasted it into the form it deleted all the line breaks. Sorry.

Friday, 25 June 2004 20:09
I really like this. I don't usually enjoy stories written like scripts, but this was well done. Felt very much in the nature of Joss' style of writing. The character development was spot on and the storyline flowed nicely. Wouldn't mind a sequel one gorram bit. ;-)
Friday, 25 June 2004 22:07
very good take on the characters, sort of disturbing pair up there. That's one power couple I wouldn't want to see. I want to see what happens after. I would love to see what Mal has to say to Jayne, and maybe what Book and Inara would do. I guess I was just expecting the story to complete that bit.
Friday, 25 June 2004 23:47
"Wouldn't mind a sequel one gorram bit."

"I want to see what happens after."

I was sort of writing as if part of the series, and I didn't want everything wrapped up neatly. There are some plot threads that can lead to other stories, and...Well, since Jiejie requested a sequel, and y'all are curious, I'll oblige.

Stay tuned.
Saturday, 26 June 2004 01:23
Very shiny. Not usually a fan of the script style as it makes the reading a bit disjointed for me but you did it so well I am really impressed. Loved some of the dialogue and this was so original. Well done, Ali D :~)
Youo can't take the sky from me
Saturday, 26 June 2004 01:52
That was really excellent.
Of course I ship River & Jayne (are we calling this Rayne now? LOL), but your story was particularly interesting...

You could have actually made it longer, taking more time with Book's revelations and such...

But actually I prefer a short story so I'm not complaining.

Thanks I loved the story, and I hope you write more!

embers
Saturday, 26 June 2004 04:36
"You could have actually made it longer, taking more time with Book's revelations and such..I hope you write more!"

Well, if wishes were horses, we'd all eat steak.

So dig in.

I've already started writing the next "episode", (working title "Rayne Delay") continuing the story from the end/beginning where this one left off. (This time, no flashbacks, gorram it!)

We follow Serenity on its perilous journey into Alliance space to buy much needed and hard to find parts, while other ships go through an odyssey of their own. Stay tuned.
Saturday, 26 June 2004 07:18
The dialog of Mal baiting the Fed into smacking him was dead-on, just the right smart-ass-ness flavor!
Saturday, 26 June 2004 20:28
Very shiny! I tend to avoid ones written in script style but was told to check this one out. Boy, am I glad I did!
Sunday, 27 June 2004 05:50
gmajor, Top Notch! Been wanting to do this myself. I like the script style, cuz it's like we missed seeing an episode or two. Very good flow. I like how you handled the ensemble cast, by breaking them up a bit. No one seemed obviously left out. (like Book is visiting the monastery) I'm glad you didn't wrap it all up, very Whedon-esque. I teach creative writing, and I loved this. How many pages was it in hard copy? Nice to keep it under 50, as that would be about show length. Bet this was close. Again, nice work. Some of the best "fan fiction" I've read in the 'verse.
Jason
Thursday, 01 July 2004 04:41
Very Shiny! Really enjoyed it! The dialogue sounded so right in my head. And the pairing was very sweet (though disturbing). Loved the weird switching scenerio. Kept me laughing too, especially the teaser.
ANONYMOUS
Tuesday, 26 October 2004 23:03
You know I love your stuff. This was really spot on. You do great dialogue and dialogue is hard to get right. ...you're a pro... They should hire you for the Serenity sequel.
Lee
Wednesday, 07 December 2005 04:09
Nice that you worked in lines from the theme song. I've got to look through the older fics more often.

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