Blue Sun Room FICTION - DRAMA

Forging Jayne : A Good Boy

Sunday, November 5, 2006

Everyman's history begins before his life. Jayne's beginning. Had this story digging at my brain and had to get it out before it damaged something. PG-13 for violence and aluding to rape. First Fic Ever (who'da thought I'd write angst?). Please be gentle, but constuctive criticism is a must (uh, being the whole 'first fic EVER thing') Oh! and not beta'd, cuz I don't even know where to start with that...

This is only the begining of the story, there will be more, but only if I'm not torn apart.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 1593    RATING: 9.0 (PG13)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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Doran Welks was a good boy.

Doran grew up poor. He had a friend or two and enjoyed the simple pleasures available to poor boys. He fished in the nearby stream and cooked what he caught over a small fire nearby. He smoked filched tobacco from his daddy’s drawer and told tales of sweaty lust and ruttin’ to boys who also lied ‘bout their experiences. He went to school regular, because it was warm there when home was not. He listened well and tried hard, and his teacher graded him on his improvement, not his lacking skills. His best friend, Ethan Cobb, helped him as best he could, as boys will…passing him answers during tests and whispering responses under breath.

But Doran’s daddy was, above all things, a very bad man.

Ethan knew about the bruises and the welts. He knew about the hunger and sleepless nights. But he was Doran’s best friend so he knew you didn’t tell anyone ‘bout those things. You just looked away when he cried, but didn’t leave his side. You simply told him you were full up at lunch and gave him the rest of what your momma packed. You just were…there.

At 13, Doran towered over his classmates, and Ethan. His daddy was bigger.

No one was there to witness the blow that changed Doran. The blood that gushed from his nose and ears dried before his daddy was sober enough to realize his boy hadn’t moved.

The doctor believed Doran fell from a tree, alone, at night, because he was just a man. Ethan knew better, because he was a best friend.

Doran lay without moving for almost 4 weeks. He was lost against the gray of the sheets. When he finally did open his eyes, everyone but Ethan was shocked. There were presents and casseroles from neighbors who naively believed everything was going to be okay. Even Ethan believed it.

Then Doran hit him.

A month after he arose from the bed, he clocked Ethan without so much a ‘how do you do’. Over nothing. Ethan had merely been talking about school and how boring it was without him and how Shyla Banks was getting titties

Comments
Sunday, 05 November 2006 06:07
Consider yourself decidedly NOT torn apart, 'nuff'!

This was really good, and the idea of following Jayne's father (I'm assuming it's his father) is unique as far as I know, so kudos on originality there!

You say this is only the beginning, and that there is more? Then write more dagnabbit!
Sunday, 05 November 2006 12:56
The the best un-beta'd firt-fic I've seen on here. Please continue, and soon.

(and I'm almost always available to beta)
Sunday, 05 November 2006 15:05
Very good writing and storytelling. You engaged me, making me want to read more in this pre-history. I've loads of questions (do Lily and Ethan marry and have Jayne? How does Jayne become so mean with parents like Lily and Ethan? Was Jayne a result of the rape? - please, no) You've conveyed ideas without graphic displays, giving us both sympathy and disgust for the various characters. Wonderful. Please post more sooner than later.
Monday, 06 November 2006 19:15
Uh...if this is your first effort and unbeta'd...then you got some mad skillz in ya, nuff. Cuz that was amazing writing. Simple...but compelling and accessable to a variety of people:)

Though why do I get the feeling that AP hit the nail on the head in that Jayne is Dorian's biological son, rather than Ethan? 'Less Jayne is "Ethan" and you will show why he changes/use another name later on...

BEB

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