Title: Hard to Tell

Rating: G

Spoilers: None

Disclaimer: Not mine. Never gonna be mine. Joss is the deity of the Firefly-verse, not me.

A/N: This is all in present-tense because, well, everything is present-tense for River.

Feedback is greedily consumed!(mona1347@livejournal.com)

~

It's so hard to tell.

Was. Is. Going To Be. It all runs together like fluids on operating room floors in Simon's head, mixing with dirt and debris sliding down the slope of Serenity Valley.

Learn which is which. Outloud, only say Was and Is. Learn the difference between outloud and inside. Going To Be makes Simon's eyes cloud over like the surface of the lake on the Tam Estate when a storm rolls in.

Rolled in. Home is Was now. No. Not home. Osiris. Serenity is home now. Osiris is home then.

Going To Be makes Kaylee afraid and Jayne confused. Going To Be makes Inara think of the prophets of Lord Buddha and the Shepherd think of the prophets of Lord Jesus Christ. Wash's brain says "creepifyin'" over and over. Zoe's brain calmly accepts.

And Mal is quiet and watchful and willing to take any advantage he can get.

Mal.

Bad.

But he's so good. Better than he'll ever think he is.

So she tries not to speak of Going To Be but sometimes when she doesn't, bad things happen.

It's so hard to tell.