Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL
A NEW DAY, ch. 32: Weight of the World
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Set after A NEW BEGINNING. Everyone tries to recover from Jayne's death. Obviously, it's harder for some than others. S/K, R/J, M/I
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 3657 RATING: 9.0 (G) SERIES: FIREFLY
A/N: In an effort to not get myself in more trouble, there will be no real author's note.
Thanks to Leiasky for the beta - and the words of wisdom, encouragement and wit!
***
A NEW DAY, ch. 32: Weight of the World
***
“Mother, I think you’d better come. As soon as you can.”
Regan’s heart broke for her son as she watched him struggle to contain his obvious emotion. Her eyes tearing instantly, she asked, “How is River?”
Not able to meet her gaze, Simon tried to think of the best way to answer that question. It had been two days since Jayne had passed and River had been … River, which of course, had him more concerned than just about any other reaction. Sighing heavily, Simon told her, “I don’t know how to answer that. One minute she’s fine and the next she’s sobbing uncontrollably.” Raising his tired eyes to the screen, he said sadly, “There’s nothing I can do for her.”
“That’s not true, Simon,” Regan told him, her voice adopting an edge. “You did everything you could for Jayne and you’ll do everything you can for River, because you love her. She knows that.”
“Yes, well, my love didn’t make a hell of a lot of difference did it,” Simon muttered bitterly, his eyes burning with fatigue and anger.
Swallowing back another retort, Regan studied him for a moment and then said, “I’ll leave in just a few hours. If we push the transport I should be there in about three weeks.”
Looking back to the screen, Simon was about to remind her of their newest safety precautions, when Regan told him, “Don’t worry, son. I will not jeopardize your family’s safety. I’ll be careful.”
Simon smiled to her once before ending the transmission. Sitting back heavily in the chair for a moment, he knew hiding in the den would not solve anything, and so with a weary sigh, he rose, stretching still tired muscles and strode from the room. As soon as he opened the door, he was confronted with chaos. Rylee was screaming and crying again, no doubt still a result of the residual emotion she
Comments
Saturday, 21 October 2006 03:23
Don't have much to say about this.
Find it hard to believe River could will herself to not lose this newest pregnancy, but with her I guess you never know. And can I just point out, if Jayne's death was a price for her search for a kid, how null and void that becomes if, in the end, she ends up with a baby?
Nevermind the cliche of losing a husband then discovering you're newly pregnant. Especially since you went this way with Zoe and Wash, though Zoe ended up miscarrying.
Find it hard to believe River could will herself to not lose this newest pregnancy, but with her I guess you never know. And can I just point out, if Jayne's death was a price for her search for a kid, how null and void that becomes if, in the end, she ends up with a baby?
Nevermind the cliche of losing a husband then discovering you're newly pregnant. Especially since you went this way with Zoe and Wash, though Zoe ended up miscarrying.
Saturday, 21 October 2006 03:35
I'll admit that I haven't been reading this series religiously, since I'm in a place right now where real life has more than enough angst for me.
But I just must say, bravo for not letting all the nasty comments you got for the last chapter get you down.
Now, personally, I agreed with your reasoning for killing Jayne, as sad as it was.
But hey, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Pity that there's no law requiring them to express it NICELY, or even tactfully.
Anyway, on with the story, don't let them stop you.
But I just must say, bravo for not letting all the nasty comments you got for the last chapter get you down.
Now, personally, I agreed with your reasoning for killing Jayne, as sad as it was.
But hey, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Pity that there's no law requiring them to express it NICELY, or even tactfully.
Anyway, on with the story, don't let them stop you.
Saturday, 21 October 2006 03:47
Saw the pregnacy coming. Still cool though.
I look forward to finding out how she plans to keep it.
I look forward to finding out how she plans to keep it.
Saturday, 21 October 2006 04:50
All right. I'll fess up... I'm definitely one of those with nasty comments. You wanted honesty? Well you got it... and you'll get it again.
You made me cry. Happy? I'm not. But it's good, because if you can get through this chapter and not get at the very least choked up then you're circuit board has a short in it somewhere. If I didn't cry it's because 1) I suck as a human (and we can argue that) or 2) you suck as a writer. Since I got choked up 1/2 way through and let loose some tears at the end then I think we're both doing good.
Now I'm not apologizing... last chapter pissed me off (still pissed to be honest), but like I also said, I couldn't leave a rating because YOU as an author don't deserve it. And this chapter rather proves it. And just to reiterate... your reasoning for why you write what you write isn't going to alienate me from your work. You're good and that's enough for me to invest my time to read what you write. So like Frelling Blonde: don't let (us) stop you. Keep writing.
All of that being said, River being pregnant did throw me a bit. I shouldn't be surprised, but yeah, I am.
River looses this baby I just might have to go on a hiatus. Not a threat, just the way it is. My heart has broke and continues to break for all the crap you've put her through. She deserves SOMETHING.
And as always (even if I don't write it) I cannot wait for the next chapter and the epilogue. I want to see where you land this baby.
You made me cry. Happy? I'm not. But it's good, because if you can get through this chapter and not get at the very least choked up then you're circuit board has a short in it somewhere. If I didn't cry it's because 1) I suck as a human (and we can argue that) or 2) you suck as a writer. Since I got choked up 1/2 way through and let loose some tears at the end then I think we're both doing good.
Now I'm not apologizing... last chapter pissed me off (still pissed to be honest), but like I also said, I couldn't leave a rating because YOU as an author don't deserve it. And this chapter rather proves it. And just to reiterate... your reasoning for why you write what you write isn't going to alienate me from your work. You're good and that's enough for me to invest my time to read what you write. So like Frelling Blonde: don't let (us) stop you. Keep writing.
All of that being said, River being pregnant did throw me a bit. I shouldn't be surprised, but yeah, I am.
River looses this baby I just might have to go on a hiatus. Not a threat, just the way it is. My heart has broke and continues to break for all the crap you've put her through. She deserves SOMETHING.
And as always (even if I don't write it) I cannot wait for the next chapter and the epilogue. I want to see where you land this baby.
MOMIN8R
Saturday, 21 October 2006 06:45
okay, my life tonight is one HUGE angst fest, so what do i do but read chapter 32....i'm completely stoopid! the tears are falling again...and yes, i still love this and can't wait for 33 and the epilogue. i was kind of hoping (okay really) river was pregnant and got my wish.......now i need to see where the little bit ends up.........take care
Saturday, 21 October 2006 13:36
I really loved this part though I worry for Simon, stomping off so angry he can hardly interact with anyone. I think striking out at Mal helped take the edge off though wish he had found a better way. I think Kaylee's love will wear him down and back to a place where common sense can rear its' more benign head. My favourite bit though was River with Mal. He really is the father she never had, her own father caring more about his social position than his children. And in a way, River understands Mal even better than Inara. Can't wait to see what happens next, Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me
You can't take the sky from me
Saturday, 21 October 2006 13:47
* “What, hit me?” she asked, her voice taking on that brazen tone he had heard so many times in the past. “Go ahead,” she told him, taking a step back. “I dare ya.” *
Ohhhhhhh --- you put this in just so you could see me beg Simon to thump her one, didn't you? I was all prepared to commiserate with River and now I'm thinking things like 'it ain't like it isn't his turn and everything.' ;)
Kaylee, Kaylee, Kaylee, you know darn well Simon isn't going to hit you or you wouldn't have said it.
Yeah, I know he hit Mal but Mal antagonized him into it, and Mal knew what waters he was wading into. Pretty please can we see the scene where Inara hands Simon his ass for thumping her husband?
*grumbles* Still woulda been nice to see the look on Kaylee's face if Simon had done what she asked him to ... */grumbles*
Ohhhhhhh --- you put this in just so you could see me beg Simon to thump her one, didn't you? I was all prepared to commiserate with River and now I'm thinking things like 'it ain't like it isn't his turn and everything.' ;)
Kaylee, Kaylee, Kaylee, you know darn well Simon isn't going to hit you or you wouldn't have said it.
Yeah, I know he hit Mal but Mal antagonized him into it, and Mal knew what waters he was wading into. Pretty please can we see the scene where Inara hands Simon his ass for thumping her husband?
*grumbles* Still woulda been nice to see the look on Kaylee's face if Simon had done what she asked him to ... */grumbles*
Saturday, 21 October 2006 14:57
I loved this chapter, but you already knew that. I got my tears over and done with when I read this the first few times.
I still think the heated responses you got from everyone for the last chapter was because you'd made the reader invest themselves into the story you've so expertly woven together.
Nasty comments won't get you down, because I won't let them! Heh! You know what happened when certain people decided to flame me quite nastily for a chapter of my fic series.
Write for yourself, what you feel should happen in the crafting of 'your' story. Constructive comments are all well and good, even if the reader doesn't agree with what you've done. Nastily expressing them is just immature. Some people do it once and never do it again. Some people never learn.
I think I look forward to reading the comments of this fic almost as much as you do:)
I still think the heated responses you got from everyone for the last chapter was because you'd made the reader invest themselves into the story you've so expertly woven together.
Nasty comments won't get you down, because I won't let them! Heh! You know what happened when certain people decided to flame me quite nastily for a chapter of my fic series.
Write for yourself, what you feel should happen in the crafting of 'your' story. Constructive comments are all well and good, even if the reader doesn't agree with what you've done. Nastily expressing them is just immature. Some people do it once and never do it again. Some people never learn.
I think I look forward to reading the comments of this fic almost as much as you do:)
SCIFICHICA
Saturday, 21 October 2006 15:22
Such a great chapter, as usual. And while I did guess River was pregnant several chapters ago it was still a surprising revelation.
I like the twist. That River never understood until now that to get what she wanted she would owe a price. We don't get to have everything we want in life. Until now everyone around her has paid the debt for her desire. And the price they all paid should have been enough to teach her that. But still she persisted, too young to understand. So she had to pay this price of losing Jayne to make her see.
I like the twist. That River never understood until now that to get what she wanted she would owe a price. We don't get to have everything we want in life. Until now everyone around her has paid the debt for her desire. And the price they all paid should have been enough to teach her that. But still she persisted, too young to understand. So she had to pay this price of losing Jayne to make her see.
Saturday, 21 October 2006 15:37
Hmmm. Part of me WAS hoping Simon would slap her back; if anyone deserves to get a swipe in, it's him (Mal offering himself as the target was perfect, though). On the other hand, Simon has only hit people for two reasons: they were threatening River or he was defending himself. Ultimately, I'm glad you didn't do it.
And yes, tkid is right: it's not a real offer if she knows damn well he won't do it. It's just snotty and annoying. Once again, Kaylee fails to understand her husband until he spells it out for her. She seems to not have fared well "growing as a person" in the last few years. She's not very perceptive, stubborn, and outright cruel and demanding to Simon most of the time. I hope she can turn it around at the last; Simon's getting awfully close to the edge.
River needs to tell Simon about the baby NOW, for two reaons. One, she's going to need his help, and the earlier he knows the earlier he might think of some way to keep this one to term; Two, Simon needs a focus so he doesn't attempt to throw himself off of something. Basically, this is the one major event that could force them to help each other, and I think the sooner the better.
And yes, tkid is right: it's not a real offer if she knows damn well he won't do it. It's just snotty and annoying. Once again, Kaylee fails to understand her husband until he spells it out for her. She seems to not have fared well "growing as a person" in the last few years. She's not very perceptive, stubborn, and outright cruel and demanding to Simon most of the time. I hope she can turn it around at the last; Simon's getting awfully close to the edge.
River needs to tell Simon about the baby NOW, for two reaons. One, she's going to need his help, and the earlier he knows the earlier he might think of some way to keep this one to term; Two, Simon needs a focus so he doesn't attempt to throw himself off of something. Basically, this is the one major event that could force them to help each other, and I think the sooner the better.
Saturday, 21 October 2006 20:14
God story.
I just so sad that Jayne had to die, but you can't save them all. At the last chapter my brain couldn't belive you had kill Jayne, but now.. So sad.
Poor Simon. He is so angry at himself. The whole chapter just breaks my heart. The sorrow is so real.
You really made me cry this time.
I hope River gets to keep the baby. She needs it. To have a little part of Jayne.
I just so sad that Jayne had to die, but you can't save them all. At the last chapter my brain couldn't belive you had kill Jayne, but now.. So sad.
Poor Simon. He is so angry at himself. The whole chapter just breaks my heart. The sorrow is so real.
You really made me cry this time.
I hope River gets to keep the baby. She needs it. To have a little part of Jayne.
Sunday, 22 October 2006 01:15
Re. River's pregancy, to quote Jayne: "Saw that one coming."
I think I've finally figured out the problem I had with the whole end-of-last-chapter situation. This is going to be a bit complicated as I'm still working on it, so bear with me.
The one time in this saga you've shown River in a solidly antagonistic light was for about five minutes in the last chapter of A New Beginning when she was talking to Simon about the antidote, firstly begging for his help and secondly telling him she'd find someone who *would* help her if he couldn't. Apart from that - and arguably her treatment of Cadie when she was upset from her miscarriage - you did nothing to make it seem like you saw her as one of the villains in the piece. This made your comment late last chapter come completely out of left field.
I do not accept that you made it seem as if River manipulated anyone on the topic during the whole series, with the exception of Jayne ("I'm going to the Core and you can come with me if you want a baby"). Her pleas to Simon fell well short of that - his later angsting on the topic was down to him and not to her, something you made clear later on; far from being manipulative at him, she dropped the topic with him, as she had earlier with the Regan situation, leaving Kaylee to do most of the external tugging at him. Throughout the series you've written River as the general emotional punching-bag that she was in the series and BDM (kudos to whoever pointed out that you're just continuing the dark-world theme from the BDM, and, by extension, to you).
Maybe you were writing it far better than you "should" have to tilt the scale this way, however unwittingly. Maybe (forgive me) you didn't do as much as you should have in respect of persuading the readers that the alternative view of River and her actions was possible. Taking a situation two ways is great; my personal problem with the end of the last chapter came when I was trying to take the situation the other way, as you wished, and could find no rational or emotional reason to do so.
That aside, this chapter was fantastic. The pregnancy situation seems like the absolute last straw for River - another death she can't prevent. Seeing as it takes an average of five years to recover from depression after the death of a very close family member, and many parents never recover from the death of a child, and River's emotional state is pretty poor at the best of times...
Apropos of nothing, I feel very sorry for Daniel.
I think I've finally figured out the problem I had with the whole end-of-last-chapter situation. This is going to be a bit complicated as I'm still working on it, so bear with me.
The one time in this saga you've shown River in a solidly antagonistic light was for about five minutes in the last chapter of A New Beginning when she was talking to Simon about the antidote, firstly begging for his help and secondly telling him she'd find someone who *would* help her if he couldn't. Apart from that - and arguably her treatment of Cadie when she was upset from her miscarriage - you did nothing to make it seem like you saw her as one of the villains in the piece. This made your comment late last chapter come completely out of left field.
I do not accept that you made it seem as if River manipulated anyone on the topic during the whole series, with the exception of Jayne ("I'm going to the Core and you can come with me if you want a baby"). Her pleas to Simon fell well short of that - his later angsting on the topic was down to him and not to her, something you made clear later on; far from being manipulative at him, she dropped the topic with him, as she had earlier with the Regan situation, leaving Kaylee to do most of the external tugging at him. Throughout the series you've written River as the general emotional punching-bag that she was in the series and BDM (kudos to whoever pointed out that you're just continuing the dark-world theme from the BDM, and, by extension, to you).
Maybe you were writing it far better than you "should" have to tilt the scale this way, however unwittingly. Maybe (forgive me) you didn't do as much as you should have in respect of persuading the readers that the alternative view of River and her actions was possible. Taking a situation two ways is great; my personal problem with the end of the last chapter came when I was trying to take the situation the other way, as you wished, and could find no rational or emotional reason to do so.
That aside, this chapter was fantastic. The pregnancy situation seems like the absolute last straw for River - another death she can't prevent. Seeing as it takes an average of five years to recover from depression after the death of a very close family member, and many parents never recover from the death of a child, and River's emotional state is pretty poor at the best of times...
Apropos of nothing, I feel very sorry for Daniel.
Monday, 23 October 2006 05:00
Well now...gotta be honest and say that I saw the pregnancy thing coming once the whole antidote-never-being-made plot twist came up. Though I anticipate the virus in River's already been defeated...by the rubeola infection. Wouldn't it be the height of ironic that the reason for River's inability to have children is defeated by the same entity that killed her husband? It's definitely a Joss-like plot twist;)
And like I've said, I am in the "River-as-a-punching-bag" camp generally, cuz I can't see River in any kind of comparative light to Gabriel as a manipulator. She made decisions and took steps people didn't like...but she was fighting for something she thought important. Lord knows Simon would have been all over the problem had Kaylee been the victim...Kaylee even admitted it in a previous chapter.
Dunno if I agree with the assessment that Kaylee's maturity level has not improved since chapter 1 of the first series. She hasn't perfect in her behaviour (lot of times? far from it), but she's had her lover kidnapped and seemingly killed, undergone a pregnancy while still in the funk from Simon's "death," gone through a tough double pregnancy, had her daughter kidnapped, her husband shot and almost paralyzed, three of her close friends have suffered miscarriages and a lot of other stuff. I think anybody with the last name "Tam" (by blood or marriage) need to take some time to see a counsellor. Cuz there's stuff lingering:(
I just hope Simon can bleed off enough bad karma/negative vibes to help River in her time of need over Jayne's death and her pregnancy...
BEB
And like I've said, I am in the "River-as-a-punching-bag" camp generally, cuz I can't see River in any kind of comparative light to Gabriel as a manipulator. She made decisions and took steps people didn't like...but she was fighting for something she thought important. Lord knows Simon would have been all over the problem had Kaylee been the victim...Kaylee even admitted it in a previous chapter.
Dunno if I agree with the assessment that Kaylee's maturity level has not improved since chapter 1 of the first series. She hasn't perfect in her behaviour (lot of times? far from it), but she's had her lover kidnapped and seemingly killed, undergone a pregnancy while still in the funk from Simon's "death," gone through a tough double pregnancy, had her daughter kidnapped, her husband shot and almost paralyzed, three of her close friends have suffered miscarriages and a lot of other stuff. I think anybody with the last name "Tam" (by blood or marriage) need to take some time to see a counsellor. Cuz there's stuff lingering:(
I just hope Simon can bleed off enough bad karma/negative vibes to help River in her time of need over Jayne's death and her pregnancy...
BEB
Monday, 23 October 2006 11:15
I am really glad that Simon got to break down and finally let loose his pent up emotions. All the stress he had been under and everything else would have wound up killing him. Now I think he can be much more useful to them that need him.
"Simon jus’ needed to hit somethin’.”
“And your face just happened to be in the way?”
~ hehehe
“For what, threatenin’ his life?” Mal asked, raising his cup and taking a tentative sip. “Aw, hell, you don’t got thank me for that. It was kinda fun.”
~ BWAHAHAHAHA !!!! (is it bad that in this sad and emotional time, all I can find to comment on is things that I find funny ??)
"Simon jus’ needed to hit somethin’.”
“And your face just happened to be in the way?”
~ hehehe
“For what, threatenin’ his life?” Mal asked, raising his cup and taking a tentative sip. “Aw, hell, you don’t got thank me for that. It was kinda fun.”
~ BWAHAHAHAHA !!!! (is it bad that in this sad and emotional time, all I can find to comment on is things that I find funny ??)
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