Broken Trust: 1/3
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
The rest of the crew finds out that Jayne turned Simon and River in on Ariel. *Takes place Post Objects in Space but before the Movie*
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 3753 RATING: 9.0 (PG13) SERIES: FIREFLY
I don't see too many of these out there. But I've always wondered what the rest of the crew's reaction would be if they found out what Jayne did on Ariel.
This is my version.
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Chapter 1
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“Weren’t my fault!” Jayne insisted as Mal stalked into infirmary and planted himself on the infirmary chair. Simon circled the man, ripped at his shirt, and began to take a look at the wound, poking and prodding to determine its severity.
“We’ll discuss it later, Jayne.” Mal grit through clenched teeth as Simon poured a generous amount of antiseptic over the wound to thoroughly irrigate it.
“Why delay the inevitable! You’re gonna yell so’s everyone can hear anyway. Might as well do it now.” Jayne crossed his arms and waited for the tongue lashing to begin.
Simon studiously ignored Jayne as he worked to extract the bullet out of Mal’s arm. Zoe sat in a nearby chair, waiting to have her much more minor injuries looked at and cleaned. Wash stood protectively over her, fussing in his normal, husbandly way.
Kaylee, Inara and Book waited outside the infirmary, concerned looks written all over their faces. River simply peered into the window, her eyes set firmly on Jayne.
Mal glanced at everyone in turn before his eyes settled back on Jayne. “I’m sure you don’t want to discuss this now.”
Jayne didn’t get the hint and pressed on, determined to make it clear that the job going south had not been his fault.
“I told you not to bring ‘em. But you didn’t listen. Again.” Mal declared, his annoyance evident. “Ow!” He shot a glare at Simon, who stopped his work and stared at the Captain.
No one messed with Simon while he was working. No one was allowed in the infirmary and absolutely no one was allowed to upset his patients. “If you don’t stop fidgeting I may shove this scalpel into your arm instead of using it to extract the bullet from it.” Simon then glared at Jayne. “You’re distracting him. Get out.”
Jayne scowled at Simon and instinctively
The scene in the infirmary was perfect, each character was completely within their realm and it was great! Jayne's indignation at getting yelled at for what he feels was the right thing to do is also perfect.
Can't wait until Simon finds out that Kaylee knows ... what will this do to their fledgling relationship. And River's right - Simon WON'T tell Kaylee what's happening and my guess is it's because he's scared too death ... poor guy.
I'm eagerly anticipating part 2!
You can't take the sky from me
Other than that, preatty good. The premises is a good one, and a nice building block to start for some crew tension.
Definitely can't wait to see what part 2 brings to the table, though I too gotta wonder how Kaylee's gonna react when Simon tells her he's known about Jayne's actions for a while. Could actually go either way, though I would lay money on Kaylee getting upset at all the secrets being kept from her:(
BEB
Perhaps Mal should look into sewing Jayne's mouth shut. Save everyone a lot of trouble.
And I can really feel the tension between some of the characters, look forwards to the next part.
Very good read, I'm eager for the next chapter!
I think Jayne is a bit too tetchy here with Simon: he's wary of him after Trash and we don't see him picking on Doc anymore, while Doc still gets at him in small ways, like making Jayne clean up Tracy's vomit. But mostly they have a truce after Trash.
And Jayne is wary about Mal too, like in OiS he stopped pursuing "fugies" topic after one word from Mal.
But I see how it's necessary for the story here.
It's tricky, since I always believed that after Ariel, Jayne felt ashamed of his actions, at least subconciously (doubt he actually would KNOW what shame felt like...) But at the same time, I can see how the rest of the crew would find it hard to forgive and trust him.
I hope you can follow up on that.
Bring on chapter 2!
Mal glanced at everyone in turn before his eyes settled back on Jayne. “I’m sure you don’t want to discuss this now.”*Perfect Mal voice here, it was easy to see his face as he said it, slightly grimaced.
Jayne scowled at Simon and instinctively clutched the knife sheathed on his thigh. No one told Jayne what to do. Certainly not the prissy doc. *Leia.....I know how you feel about the doc...and I'm really proud of you for allowing Jayne to speak exactly as he would in the circumstance.
Jayne whirled on her and snapped, his temper frayed with the expectation that he would be getting a stern dressing down as soon as the Captain left the infirmary. Why was everything that went wrong lately his fault? “Girl, save your words for someone who’s wantin’ ta hear ‘em. Everyone on this ship knows you been tryin’ ta bed the doc for months. Gonna say anythin’ ta make him notice ya more.” *Again, wonderful Jayne voice here, especially when he's getting frustrated.
I can’t bring guns on jobs less than legit ‘cause we might offend someone’s delicate sensibilities! *I cut this part of this line out because it is one of the most perfect original Jayne lines I've seen someone put to type. :)
I was getting a bit parched not having any stuff like this from you. I'm looking forward to the story continuing.
~ Yay for Wash, always wanting to lighten the mood
Yay also for the whole crew pretty much being in the same place at the same time (except Inara) so the story doesn't have to be told over and over again. Can't wait to read the other 2.
Wow, look at all the feedback.
[sarsacm type=heavy] It's so good, you got our favorite writer in all the known 'verse to respond. [/sarcasm]
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