(Written April 11, 2003, for the first ff_friday challenge--100 to 1000 words on childhood.)

Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction. No infringement is intended on the rights of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, or 20th Century Fox TV.

No archiving, please. Feedback welcome.

"Lessons"

******

You live on a ship. It's your home. You can touch dirt, feel the sun and the wind, but home is in the sky. You love Momma and Daddy, and you love Serenity. That was the first thing you ever learned.

Momma says, "Look, honey, but don't touch. Learn by watching."

Daddy says, "Come here, sweetie, and I'll teach you how this works. But don't tell your momma." This button does one thing, and that switch does another, and nobody knows when it's you keying the comm when Daddy announces planetfall, or that your hands are over his on the wheel when the ship touches down.

No touching guns. Not even Daddy allows it, though he lets you watch from a safe distance when it's time for cleaning. But Cap'n takes you aside when no one else is around and shows you more. "We all keep each other safe, sweetheart. That'll be your job someday, too." He lets you touch the gleaming metal, hear the sound of a weapon readied, feel the weight of the bullets in your hand.

Tiny things that cause so much hurt, like the hard little bits of rock and dust out in the black that scratch the hull and foul the engines. No one sees you crouched by the window when Doc takes the bullet out of Cap'n's leg while Momma scolds him for being so reckless. He just laughs at Momma but his eyes aren't laughing, 'cause what Doc does hurts. You watch and learn.

You're up on the catwalk out of sight when the dark men come, and Daddy takes a gun and shoots them. Dead. That makes them gone forever. That's what guns do besides hurting. Keep the ship safe. Keep you safe.

Daddy never knows you saw, doesn't know why you show up on the bridge later and crawl into his lap and hug him tight. He looks at you funny, then finds his dinos and starts p