First, a great big thank you to everyone who's left comments to my recent posts! The vault isn't empty yet...

This piece was written for TaraLJC (I'm sure you all know her--I think she's one of the best writers in FF fandom) when she requested stories based on her Live Journal icons. The one I chose shows Simon and Kaylee from "The Message," as Simon, unseen, observes Kaylee listening to Tracey's recording. The caption reads: "My fandom has intimacy issues."

Boy, does it ever!

No archiving. please. The usual disclaimers apply.

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So Near, So Far

(c) 3/31/04 HawkMoth

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Others can turn a blind eye.

River can't. She sees without looking, knows without seeing. She's getting better but parts of her are still broken. Open like bleeding wounds. Thoughts and words and things she shouldn't know seep in like invasive microbes, burn in her brain like a fever.

She thinks the parts that have healed are getting stronger, swarming like white blood cells to wall off the the bits of chaos, the accidental invasion of thoughts not her own. It's wrong to know too much--not right. Not right to cause worry and fear to the ones she belongs to now.

But eyes are for seeing, ears are for hearing. Even without the knowing, River knows things.

She can see what Wash and Zoe are--two almost a perfect one. Nearly a single entity--WashandZoe. A wall of love bearing so much weight that tiny cracks appear now and then. But those fissures never spread far enough to shatter the wall. They're patched with words, a touch, or laughter; repaired by silence, apartness, or tears. The weight resettles and the wall is stronger than ever.

She knows what Simon is--the rock that keeps her anchored to the real. He is strength and shelter. But a rock that rests on a precipice needs something to shore it up, to keep it from tumbling off the edge. Simon thinks she is enough to hold on to, but she knows he needs more. His eyes don't know how to see what hers do.

Kaylee is the keystone that could keep him in balance