does anyone else understand?
Sunday, 02 September 2007 06:23:52

i need your help, if you can... if you read my last blog...and i know it's been awhile since i've been on...but if you read my last blog you will see that i lost two of my classmates before the ending of the school year. spenser cox was hit by a train the weekend of august 25, 2006 and matt dilbeck was a passanger in a head on car crash,who sustained serious injuries that later caused his death on april 28th, 2007.... after they died...i was ready to move on. i knew they were gone and were happy to have known them and shared memories with them. i was happy, well i still am...i'm now just numb. you see, the graduating class of 2007, from oregon illinois suffered another loss july 28. you could say that we're slowly falling like dominos. i'm feeling numb. i only cried once when i heard about colton parker. and that was because i was scared to say goodbye again. i know i should have a good cry and i want to, but there was nothing there but this feeling as if my heart was hardening up, calusing from all the pain. colton parker, the poor guy was driving home, having had little sleep, after dropping off his girlfriend...it was around one o'clock in the morning that he fell asleep at the wheel, crossing the median and hitting another car head on. he was a good guy, they all were. none of them deserved their deaths, their suffering, none of us deserved to lose them. i'm not asking for your pity or asking why is this happening to us, i'm just wondering if there's anyone out there that understands this feeling of numbness. i wanna know i'm not alone. it eats away at me whenever i'm alone and left to think and i always think of those three young men. everyday...and i think i will for the rest of my life now. though i won't let it hold me back, the thoughts of them, it is just this feeling...this feeling of having the inability to feel emotion...that has me stuck in this state of...oh it's hard to explain. it's this state of masked sadness that noone else around me understands. but i take deep breaths, smile, remind myself of the good memories, the great friends i still have and move on until the numbness takes hold of me again. ~beth

change of address card
Sunday, 02 September 2007 18:08:15

are all movers parolees? probably not, do they look like they are? you betcha! break, lose, or steal your crap? not that i have anything of real worth, but it's just irritating. We had to move because our home was in the 'path of renovation'. My nice, BIG, old home has to be remodeled. So the Army assigns us a nice home, SMALL, new home. Now, I am told I only lose 100 sq feet, but i am moving from a ranch style duplex into a middle town house. SO, i lose footage in stairs, extra bathrooms (okay, i am excited to have more than 1 toilet), and hallways. I have to cram my oversized sofas into a living room half the size of the old one. OLD, like that's bad. Ugh! So, yes, there are a ton of boxes everywhere. My kid hasn't had the decent rest she needed because we are moving, and it took forever to convince my husband that hooking up the internet was a tad more important than getting the flag pole in the yard straight! But, it's fine. I'm okay. And it does show me who loves me. I have some great friends who have watched my kid, fed us, and just let me whine about how lame life is. So, that pretty much rocks. Those of you wondering when a new story is coming? okay, none of you are wondering, but just induldge me. as soon as i get moved in, as soon as my beta gets all situated, i've got a litle one shot that should be enjoyable. Now, if you'll excuse me, i need to find the box with my crazy pills in it. :banghead: