Observances At The Gym

Wednesday, March 18, 2009 5:17 PM

As my Air Force career rolls to a complete stop, I've been to the gym the last couple of days to try and get back in fighting shape (and, yes, I understand that I should have been in shape anyways, but what're you gonna do, eh?) before a complete gym is no longer available for me to use. Surreality abounds at the base gym here. I'll start with what happened yesterday, the first time I've been to the gym in more than a month.

Pope AFB is on its way to being Pope Army Air Field, and the Army from neighboring Fort Bragg is eager to get its hands on this base. A little too eager, in my opinion. There are several gyms on Bragg for their use, but they seem to like ours. Just lately, two Army privates were nabbed in Air Force PT gear to get around the Pope AFB exclusive times enforced at the gym. Seems like they just let them have the run of the joint anyways, and that's fine, really. But, when I got there yesterday, there were three Army females in the corner together "working out". By working out, I mean they were exercising their freedom of speech, and appeared (I say appeared, because I couldn't hear them and can't be certain of what they were saying) to be pointing and laughing at random people who were trying to exercise. I was not amused, as I was one of them. I am not the "Gym Clown" brought in to amuse you as you desperately try to give the appearance of exercise, and no one likes being laughed at in the gym, Carrot-Top included (you seen that guy lately. It's frightening!).

But, you can only fight so many battles. Today, as I went to the gym this morning, I encountered a young woman, a little overweight, on the elliptical machine next to me. She was giving it her all, effort and sweat flying out for all to see. What struck me as humorous was that she was mouthing the words to whatever song she was listening to on her iPod at the moment. The overall effect, honestly, was kinda sexy. But, I didn't come to the gym for sexy observances. I came to make the outside as pretty as the inside! So, I got to it.

Now, to the outside observer, I'm certain it appeared that I did, indeed, need the assistance at least two people offered me while I was running on the machine. The simple truth is much, much stupider. The reason why I was waving my arms about wildly while running full tilt on the elliptical machine was that I was listening to DMX's "Party Up". I was affecting a sort of standing whiteboy dance move while running, and completely unaware that I was doing it. I couldn't help myself, and as I've said in the past: Sometimes, I just got the music in me.

Should you see me in the gym executing this unnecessary move (unnecessary for fitness means, at any rate), feel free to point and laugh. I promise I won't be angry, and I definitely will not vent my frustration at your alleged rudeness on FFF.net in the flylog.

I promise. Mostly.

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