In Which the Steamer Goes Home and Rethinks His Life

Thursday, May 10, 2007 10:07 PM

Title aside, I did not get mind-tricked into performing it. But I did get home a little while ago and reread everybody's comments on my last blog. First of all - yinyang, your apology is gladly accepted and tucked safely into the inside pocket of my brown coat. I think what's needed here, though, is a little bit of clarification on why I said what I said.

Yeah, look, here's what it is: Every time I post something like that, whether it's here or on LJ or Myspace, whether it's a blog entry or a community post, somebody always pops up and says, Don't give up! Ever am I embroiled in trying to drill it into my own brain pan that whatever happens happens and a much greater being than myself has control over it. At the same time though, logic and experience vie to influence my perception of the future. Logic says, You shouldn't give up, you should sit back, concentrate on something else and let it take its course. Experience says, For-fucking-get about it, you're just setting yourself up for more misery if you ever try again. More often than not, it's the voice of experience that gets amplified by such an occurrence as being rejected out of hand (sometimes just because I'm a virgin!), seeing my sister's happy family, or really, almost any time I cross paths with a happy couple.

I always say that life has to be balanced - hurt with happiness, the strait of life before the peace of death. Still looking for the answer to why the hurt/happiness scale insists on tilting so sharply in the former direction.

So I hope that clarifies things a little. Now I'm gonna go do something else, like write....

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