Aloneness-Not lonliness, but aloneness...

Friday, March 30, 2007 6:46 PM

Sometimes I really hate being me. I feel that I am all alone in the universe. There are those who deviate from the norm to me noticed by the norm, and there are those, such as myself who are so far removed from the norm, or perhaps even humanity, that we are invisible. I have friends. Good friends. But I am alone. Its difficult to explain how I feel, or relate to you how this is, or has come about.

When I finally write a song that I know that is from my heart, and my friends just stare at me wondering what the heck it is supposed to mean, or asking my why my music sound so 'depressing'... it hurts. So it is with everything that I slave to create. everything I try to say some how gets warped in the air, and the intent if it becomes mutilated and awkward.

I am not lonely. I am alone. Among my friends, among the crowd. There are very few people who have understood me in my lifetime. who think like I do. One of them, she is engaged to be married in September, and needless to say, we dont really have all that much time to hang out, or even converse. The other was a highschool friend. Unfortunately we have been out of contact since then.

I keepthinging of Joss' comentary for Objects in Space. How he said River was alone, among the crew. And that is very much me. Perhaps the reson I love the character so much. Perhaps why I love Joss' work so much, becaue it is a reacuring theme among his characters.
I honestly dont know why I am writing ths. I suppose somthing to get off my chest.
I dont know...
Perhaps I just want someone to talk to and actually have a converstion with. Someone who can sympathize with me, and me with them.
I dont know. I done ranting now.

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