Can anyone give this guy a job?

POSTED BY: chrisisall
UPDATED: Wednesday, November 12, 2008 21:51
VIEWED: 5782
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CHRISISALL

Monday, November 10, 2008 11:43 PM

I will be available in January 2009, am willing to relocate.

RESUME

GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Avenue
Washington, DC 20520

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

Law Enforcement:

I was arrested in , in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I plead guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My driving record has been 'lost' and is not available.

Military:

I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in .

College:

I graduated from with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in , , in 1975 .

I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in . The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.

With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of .

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF :

I changed pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making the most polluted state in the .

During my tenure, replaced as the most smog-ridden city in . I cut taxes and bankrupted the treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.

With the help of my brother, the governor of , and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President of the , after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I am the first President in history to enter office with a criminal record.

I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.

I spent the surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in history.

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the stock market.

In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in history.

My 'poorest millionaire,' Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her. I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.

I am the all-time and world record -holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in history, Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision. I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution.

More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in history.

I changed the policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded Government contracts..

I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than any President in history.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States Government.

I've broken more international treaties than any President in history.

I am the first President in history to have the United Nations remove the f

PIZMOBEACH

Tuesday, November 11, 2008 12:03 AM

Brilliant Chris - I started laughing and now I'm crying. I can't help it, but I do pity him.
I know how he can make a living if no one hires him right away:

He will forever figure prominently in all future debates concerning who was the worst US president ever - what a fucked up legacy that is.

CHRISISALL

Tuesday, November 11, 2008 12:14 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by pizmobeach:
Brilliant Chris - I started laughing and now I'm crying.

I can't take credit- someone forwarded it to me, and I just posted it. I actually lost track of all of his shenanegans in and before office, luckily there are peeps out there with an outstanding memory.

*Time for AU to chime in about how it's all Left-wing lies and misconceptions*

And yeah, I do feel a little bit bad for the guy, despite myself.

ButnotTHATbadisall

AURAPTOR

Tuesday, November 11, 2008 2:20 AM

And you feel good about yourself now ?

Dork.

It is not those who use the term "Islamo-Fascism" who are sullying the name of Islam; it is the Islamo-Fascists. - Dennis Prager

" They don't like it when you shoot at 'em. I worked that out myself. "

FREMDFIRMA

Tuesday, November 11, 2008 4:05 AM

He could always pull a Clinton and go on a speakin tour...

Never saw why folks would pay to have Bill Clinton talk to them, in person I think that would make me feel dirty, a bit violated and wanting to take a shower...

I say Bush should go into stand up comedy, he certainly has the delivery for it, and plenty of material to work it, including a decent sense of humor.

-F

AURAPTOR

Tuesday, November 11, 2008 4:38 AM

Nice 'Mouth of Sauron' pic.

It is not those who use the term "Islamo-Fascism" who are sullying the name of Islam; it is the Islamo-Fascists. - Dennis Prager

" They don't like it when you shoot at 'em. I worked that out myself. "

WASHNWEAR

Tuesday, November 11, 2008 4:48 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Fremdfirma:
He could always pull a Clinton and go on a speakin tour...

Never saw why folks would pay to have Bill Clinton talk to them, in person I think that would make me feel dirty, a bit violated and wanting to take a shower...

I say Bush should go into stand up comedy, he certainly has the delivery for it, and plenty of material to work it, including a decent sense of humor.

-F

I'm confused - is that a snap of Bush or Cheney? I know it's not Rove - got him right here (I hope)...

Okay - so much for that brilliant contribution. Anybody got the link for the FFF pic-posting tutorial? I seem to have snoozed through the good part...

It was like that when we got here!

FREMDFIRMA

Tuesday, November 11, 2008 10:50 AM

Err, I was insinuating that having Clinton speak to you in person would be somewhat like negotiating with the mouth of Sauron...

Still pissed at him for NAFTA, and never once denied he was in some undefineable way, really sleazy.

As for pic-posting, I load these to photobucket, and then just paste the "direct link" code (second one down) and the forum displays the image quite handily.

-F

CHRISISALL

Tuesday, November 11, 2008 11:59 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by AURaptor:
And you feel good about yourself now ?

Dork.

Yes.

Poopy head.

Chrisisall

RIVERLOVE

Tuesday, November 11, 2008 1:49 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by chrisisall:
Quote:
Originally posted by AURaptor:
And you feel good about yourself now ?

Dork.

Yes.

Well I see it took you only a week to abandon your era of good feeling post-election post asking for unity and harmony among Browncoats moving forward.

I guess kicking a man, or a Party, or their supporters while they're down is good sport, so have at it. You must not have anything else in your life to do, and that is a bit sad.

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