Too Many Crooks Spoil the Shoot: The Worst Firefly Script Ever
POSTED BY: chapterandverse
UPDATED: Saturday, May 24, 2008 19:23
VIEWED: 3480
PAGE 2 of 2
mortified jayne clutches at his shirt as pieces of paper spill like confetti - the print's faded but Being and Nothingness, The Outsider and Le Fleur de Mal are easy spotted.
"Hell!"
But Serenity's Captain has paled now himself as the truth is out.
Inara (double take) "Jayne - so sensitive, I never realised."
Jayne "I'm misunderstood."
Inara: And - er, Mal... so...
Mal: My mom liked to read is all. And naming kidlings - that's no easy chore!
Inara: It means evil flower you know...
Mal: See? I'm badass.
Wash: Oh sure you are Captain, flower.
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A Reaver enters, brandishing a rusty yet razor-sharp cleaver: Arrrggghhhh!! I need new human skins for my horrific Reaver clothes!!!! Is anyone here a 44 long?
Bang! Mal shoots the Reaver between the eyes and he falls with a clank of steel piercings.
Wash: Wow! Flower Power! Heh heh. Get it? the Cap'ns a flower of evil. I break myself up sometimes.
Thud! Zoe's rifle butt and Jayne's fist hit Wash simultaneously and he slumps to the floor.
Zoe: You were saying, Cap'n?
"Keep the Shiny side up"
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Mal- How dare you knock out my pilot! Who's going to be doing the flying now? Zoe, your own husband for the Alliance's sake.
Zoe- MY husband. My business
Mal- Not when your husband is MY pilot
Zoe- You're saying he's been cheating on me? *shoots Wash in the head* Serves you right.
Mal- !!!
Zoe- What? He was going to die anyway.
Mal- I wasn't doing... that... with him.
Jayne- And I wasn't neither. *shudders
Book- Well, I'm afraid I have to confess... I know that homosexuality is very wrong, and that it is also wrong to steal a woman's husband, but Wash was just so pretty... I couldn't help myself. We had a very passionate and loving relationship, and now that he's gone... *starts crying*. I told him he should have divorced you, but he just thought I was being jealous....
Kaylee- Oh Shepard, come here, we can go to the engine room and have hot sex and make you feel all better.
enter inara
Inara- I should be the one doing that for our poor Book. I do it for a living, after all
Book- Well, why don't we have a threesome?
Kaylee- Good idea. How 'bout you, Inara?
Inara- Sounds like a plan to me. Let's go!
Book, Kaylee and Inara depart
River-
#~%~~*~~~&~~~*~~%~#\/#~%~~*~~~&~~~*~~%~#
Stan: LF! Stuffed LF!
Stan: That didn't sound right.. sorry. I'm not some psycho taxidermist serial killer or anything.
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River wakes up with a huge gasp and like a bird, looks around the room wondering if she's just had another of her dreams.
Simon wakes up with a start: River?
River: I was....we were....Bad hair man-he and Kaylee, Inara.....
Simon: Calm down mei mei, tell me all about it.
Mal knocks on the door: Simon?
Simon hesitates, tending to his sister: Yes Captain?
Mal:
_________________________________________________
VOTE FOR OUR FAVORITE SHIP!!
http://blogs.amctv.com/scifi-scanner/2008/05/coolest-starship-tourname
nt.php
Mal's expression in the scrapyard when he first see's Serenity says it all.
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Mal: Simon, Zoe just shot Wash in the head again. Start warming up another clone.
Simon: %#*+! That's the third one this month! We're running out of spares.
River: Some like it in the pot, nine days old.
"Keep the Shiny side up"
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