The Forsaken - SPORK you!
POSTED BY: FutureMrsFIllion
UPDATED: Thursday, April 26, 2007 02:49
VIEWED: 9506
PAGE 10 of 11
Well I have just spent a very instructive few minutes learning some fascinating facts about the spork and it's lesser known evolutionary cousin the foon. I might see if I can work some of this into my next lecture.
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Spork
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Foon
The religious symbology behind the spork I found to be particularly interesting:
Spork as Religious Symbol
Among the Sacred Spork cult, a heretical splinter sect within the prominent Utensilitarianist Church, the spork is worshipped and revered as being the most holy embodiment of the unification of the masculine (poking and pointy) and feminine (scooping and curved) principles within the omniverse.
Subscribers to this heresy deny the supreme authority of the fork, some going so outrageously far as to claim the fork is in actuality a cruel tyrant god bent on shackling men to its will of consuming all food only through it and no other and hence preventing man from achieving true one-ness with all his eating untensils. This sect believes that originally spoon and fork were one until the fork, believing itself to be the superior aspect of the duality, broke away to become the predominant instrument of food consumption, relegating the spoon primarily to the lower realms of soup, mushy stuff, peas, and other more profane foodstuffs; thereby sundering the simple harmony of original existence and instituting the rule of forkish values of stabbing and thrusting at meats, noodles, and such to the denigration of softer, more nuturing spoonish ones. Sacred Spork cultists believe that only through the primary use of sporks, many even demanding the unilineal implementation of sporks alone at all public eateries, schools, homeless shelters and men's bathouses, does humankind have hope for salvation and enlightenment when it comes to putting things into his mouth.
The Sacred Spork cult is, needless to say, denounced by orthodox Utensilitarianism which maintains the fork as supreme eating device/deity and spoon, though possessing some measure of sacrality, as nevertheless being a subordinate principle. Orthodox views of the Church, as upheld by its celerite priesthood (that is, not consuming celery), accuse Sporkites of a confused misreading of the holy menus, a degenerate and/or regressive view of consumptuality, and engaging in immoral and lewd rites involving the "reunion" of fork and spoon at suppertime. Hence, the cult continues to be denounced and persecuted to this day, and therefore often must practise its beliefs in secret coffeehouses, delis, and pizza parlours away from the accepted fancy restaurants and dining halls of the mainstream Church.
Recently, a breakaway sect from the church, calling themselves the Enlightened Followers of the Sacred Foon, was established in Madagascar. They attempted a revolution concurrent with the invasion of the Giant space wasps. The coup failed, but revolutionaries promoting foons insteads of sporks still control the countryside.
___________________
Hissssssssss!
NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
Quote:
Originally posted by FutureMrsFIllion:
It is beyond obvious that we are all completely around the bend.
Not me! 100% sane! Got a note from the doctor to prove it and everything!
Wanna see?
Banners, avatars and other fun stuff at www.desktophippie.com
NOTIFY: N | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
I still want one of those notes for myself DTH..you lucky hippie !
LA dances happily 'round the pyre singing "People are Strange..."
Bryce
*********
tommorow is our permanent address
and there they'll scarcely find us(if they do,
we'll move away still further:into now
NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
In the Veggie Tales spoof of LOTR (Lord of the Beans), instead of orcs there is an army of ill-tempered sporks.
~jimi
SFC Alexander, Chief Medic for the 76th Indepentent Army Battalion
God? Who's colors' he flyin'?
DRIVE - Monday night, 8 pm on F*X
NOTIFY: N | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
*has Lost Boy flashbacks*
*drools over Star*
Huh wha?
Kelkhil
The Shirtless Forsaken
Yea though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil: for I am Forsaken
NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
Ok I just completely lost it over the trebuspork...OMG that was so funny Penguin!!!
I love you guys
"I'm not all that interested in the mental health of people who want to kill me. "- Leroy Jethro Gibbs
NOTIFY: N | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
Quote:
Originally posted by Penguin:
*prepares the medieval trebuspork and aims it at Tinadoll*
To spork, or not to spork: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and sporks of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of sporks,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep: to sportk;
Oh, Tinadoll!
...I think...I...love you...
NOTIFY: N | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
Quote:
Originally posted by Tinadoll:Quote:
Originally posted by Penguin:
*prepares the medieval trebuspork and aims it at Tinadoll*
To spork, or not to spork: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and sporks of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of sporks,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep: to sportk;
Oh, Tinadoll!
...I think...I...love you...
Get in line!
Banners, avatars and other fun stuff at www.desktophippie.com
NOTIFY: N | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
Quote:
Originally posted by DesktopHippie:Quote:
Originally posted by Tinadoll:Quote:
Originally posted by Penguin:
*prepares the medieval trebuspork and aims it at Tinadoll*
To spork, or not to spork: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and sporks of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of sporks,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep: to sportk;
Oh, Tinadoll!
...I think...I...love you...
Get in line!
Banners, avatars and other fun stuff at www.desktophippie.com]
Yeah Tinadoll, whats the deal comin in all bendy like and tryin to perv on our Penquin? Some of us were pervin first, so get to the back o the line wit ya!
---- plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose
Bestower of Titles, Designer of Tshirts, Maker of Mottos, Keeper of the Pyre, Owner of a too big Turnippy smelling coat with MR scratched in the neck (thanks FollowMal!)
I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"
FORSAKEN original
NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
"Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle." http://whimsicalnbrainpan.blogspot.com/
NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME