Just a few words, giving a llttle bit back....

POSTED BY: Eliavrezz
UPDATED: Wednesday, January 31, 2007 23:13
VIEWED: 2606
PAGE 1 of 1

ELIAVREZZ

Monday, January 29, 2007 1:58 AM

Hi. Here's a poem that I wrote. I hope it doesn't stink...

It all began with the Earth then that was
With numbers too great for our celestial home
Into the Black we dared to tread
Making our home in the celestial web
Onward in time to the verse we call home
When war has arrived risking loss of our freedom
Oppression and privilege beat us down to the mud
Our coats turn to brown and we press on to bear arms
And for time seemingly endless we fight and we rally
Until that dark day in Serenity Valley
When freedom is taken by the horde filling the sky
Years now have gone by and deep in the black
Rides the crew of free will in Serenity's hold
Their souls to the Alliance never have they sold
They struggle to live and keep to the sky
They struggle indeed on their mere Firefly

YINYANG

Monday, January 29, 2007 2:48 AM

The only thing I'd say that's weird about it is the cadence/rhyme pattern. Otherwise, I like it - especially descriptive phrases like "celestial web" and "Oppression and privilege beat us down to the mud/Our coats turn to brown".

Oh, and welcome to FFF.NET!

Rules: http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=22892
Voting: http://www.wunschliste.de/index.pl?vote&r=09

PENGUIN

Monday, January 29, 2007 3:02 AM

King of the Mythical Land that is Iowa

ELIAVREZZ

Monday, January 29, 2007 5:42 AM

Thanks for the response and the welcome. My work usually has a rythym to it, though I don't know why...haha
Ya'll can ask me whatever you want to get to know me (goes for anyone of course)...Kinda shy, but then again, not really...not young either (well, not to some anyway)...

I'm a leaf on the wind...

DEBB

Monday, January 29, 2007 6:18 AM

Eliavrezz, welcome to the mad house! I liked the poem. So, long time fan or new fan(we love them all)?

Debb

Debb

ELIAVREZZ

Wednesday, January 31, 2007 9:11 PM

Hi Debb,

I've been a fan for a few years now, though not since the beginning. Was introduced to it by a friend, and fell in love with it, and the characters, from there.

Well gotta go, talk to you later.

Eliavrezz

I'm a leaf on the wind...

ASORTAFAIRYTALE

Wednesday, January 31, 2007 11:13 PM

Oooh, that's so pretty!! Great job!
I always wish that I could write creative stuff like that, but the only things I can write well are essays and stuff...

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Love keeps her in the air when she outta fall down, tells you she's hurting before she keels. Makes her a home.