Male and Female Imponderables--Friends, Romans, Countrymen...

POSTED BY: Tristan
UPDATED: Wednesday, January 7, 2026 16:50
VIEWED: 21881
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TRISTAN

Saturday, July 8, 2006 1:00 PM

Good morning, all!

FFH Thank you for that comment. First time I've ever been told I have bedroom eyes!

As far as women asking men out (I missed posting to this yesterday), I have no problem with it at all. It has happened to me a few times, and it was very flattering. I am also a big fan of the woman making the first move. My wife pulled that on our second date...I was trying to be gentleman-like and chivalrous and not appear that I was just after the physical part of a relationship, so I was somewhat reserved in that matter. We had gone to see a movie, and on the way out, she slipped her hand in mine. From that point, I knew it was going to be alright.

Copilot! Good to see you, even if it is sporadically...good times wearing you out?

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PIZ

Saturday, July 8, 2006 1:19 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Tristan:
My wife pulled that on our second date...I was trying to be gentleman-like and chivalrous and not appear that I was just after the physical part of a relationship, so I was somewhat reserved in that matter. We had gone to see a movie, and on the way out, she slipped her hand in mine. From that point, I knew it was going to be alright.

Wow, that's so refreshing! Here I thought you were going to say she jumped your bones, and it was only hand-holding! Very, very sweet.

I remember back in high school when the girl I should have held on to did the same thing. We were walking along on (I think) our third date and I was wondering (nervously obsessing about, really) when it would be OK to touch her for the first time ever, and she just reached over and took my hand. I fell in love.

Now, I'm not averse to relationships turning sexual in a hurry if things are right (and sometimes they are), but what ever happened to the little pleasures like holding hands?

--
"That's what government's for: get in a man's way." - Mal

TRISTAN

Saturday, July 8, 2006 1:34 PM

Piz, I was stressing about the same thing. I was in love with her long before we even dated...I actually fell in love with her while I was still married to the first wife. I did not want to screw anything up by turning into an octopus, so I kept my distance. I guess I was trying to prove it wasn't all about the physical aspect of it, and I think it worked. The first kiss we shared was a good night kiss in the parking lot of a bookstore, and I promptly turned around and walked straight into a car! For me, it's never about the first sexual contact, it's always the small things; hand-holding, kissing, holding each other. Even in college, when the goal was "sleep with everything that moces", I was that way. Old-fashioned and proud of it!

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PIZ

Saturday, July 8, 2006 2:01 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Tristan:
Piz, I was stressing about the same thing. I was in love with her long before we even dated...I actually fell in love with her while I was still married to the first wife. I did not want to screw anything up by turning into an octopus, so I kept my distance. I guess I was trying to prove it wasn't all about the physical aspect of it, and I think it worked. The first kiss we shared was a good night kiss in the parking lot of a bookstore, and I promptly turned around and walked straight into a car!

Yeah, I remember that feeling. Things are new, exciting, and confusing, and there's a glow suffusing your whole being and everything around you. It's enough just to be with her, almost too much just to be with her. And when you're not with her, it's enough just knowing she exists.

Wish I could believe I'll have that again some day.

Quote:
Originally posted by Tristan:
For me, it's never about the first sexual contact, it's always the small things; hand-holding, kissing, holding each other. Even in college, when the goal was "sleep with everything that moces", I was that way. Old-fashioned and proud of it!

See, here's something I never understood. You're absolutely right, except perhaps for one thing (and this is going to be difficult to explain so I hope folks can be patient with me): all of those things are sexual contact. Sex doesn't start when the clothes come off, and it doesn't end with the afterglow. There are degrees, all the way from "Oh! The way I feel when she merely comes into view!" to "Oh God! Oh God! Oh Gooooooooooood!" Which is just to say, I guess, that a relationship is a whole, and all its aspects interconnect. So the overtly sexual aspects are infused with the relatively non-sexual parts, and vice-versa.

What do you think?

--
"That's what government's for: get in a man's way." - Mal

PHOENIXROSE

Saturday, July 8, 2006 2:08 PM

Piz, I think you've got it. Couldn't have said it better myself! This is why I always say that if there isn't anything sexual, it's not that kind of relationship. Even if you've been dating awhile or are married. And yes the "anything sexual" means cuddling, touching, eyes lighting up when you see them, etc.

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TRISTAN

Saturday, July 8, 2006 2:19 PM

I agree somewhat, but let me see if I can explain myself. There are times when physical contact between two people is not sex-oriented. I can distinguish between intimacy and sex, when sex is not the end product of touching. Boy, this is going to come out confusing...I agree that sex starts with the first look and doesn't end, but it's difficult to go through life thinking that. I personally belieev people focus too much on sex in general and not enought on other things. Which is a dichotomy, as humans are generally sexual beings above all else. Now, I am not saying we should quit thinking about it...it's very healthy to do so...but I have changed from when I was younger, and no longer see sex in everything around me. That is why simple things like hand-holding and kissing can have such a strong effect on me, but not always in the "must have you!" sense.
Boy, I hope that came out the way it sounded in my head...

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PIZ

Saturday, July 8, 2006 2:37 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Tristan:
That is why simple things like hand-holding and kissing can have such a strong effect on me, but not always in the "must have you!" sense.
Boy, I hope that came out the way it sounded in my head...

I think we're agreeing here. I wasn't saying that everything leads directly to "must have you!" but does connect to it however indirectly, just as "must have you!" connects back to the simpler things and makes them more enjoyable and special as well.

--
"That's what government's for: get in a man's way." - Mal

TRISTAN

Saturday, July 8, 2006 2:42 PM

Ah. Shiny. I understand now, and agree with you. Thanks for the discussion!

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MSG

Saturday, July 8, 2006 7:37 PM

Hey all- I will have time for more later
FMF- yes sad and disappointed, but I choose to see this as the Empire strikes back part of the trilogy..unsettling changes in characters, odd plot twists, bit weaker story line, I figure it'll be ok in the end:)
HUGS all I will be back in a few hours...on my way to meet up with Utah brownncoats!

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

WHITEFALL

Saturday, July 8, 2006 10:00 PM

Woot to meeting of browncoats!

I feel it's time for a shameless bump.

Actually, i've a question... for a long time I've been thinking, this whole deal with honesty in relationships, why don't people just tell their SO everything... I don't know exactly, but sort of like the old "I statement" thing about how you feel. If folk were to just sit down and talk about troubles from both sides, with some semblance of civility, and acknowledge that both parties have valid concerns... is that being honest, or is that giving too much info?

"But, these strong women characters?"

"Why aren't you asking 100 other guys why they don't write strong women characters?" -Joss Whedon

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