Male and Female Imponderables--Yet Again
POSTED BY: Tristan
UPDATED: Thursday, June 15, 2006 20:08
VIEWED: 16927
PAGE 9 of 23
I see myself making that mistake constantly! Why can't I just say no! Stop following me go away I don't like you! Oh well I'm weak like that.
Okay so problem time. Last night my friend slept over to cuddle me because I was feeling lonely. I had a dream in which I woke up and saw his relection in a mirror over my bed (there isn't a mirror over my bed). It reflected his actual image for about 1/2 a second then morphed into the death deamon. I know the tarot card for death usualy just means change but why did I have so many scarey dreams while he was in my bed?
I'm also noticing he's a lot like my former significant other. Nice smart nerdy guy a few years younger than FSO but still older than me. Kinda sheltered from how bad this world can be. Way closer to his family. Maybe I'm just seeing things that arn't really there.
An I carried such a torch.......For the Dark Lord
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Ah where I prefer would actually be a bed. Much as spontaneous sex is hot and all there are just so many variables you can't control with it. Like people walking in on you, falling off of something, falling onto something, breaking something and having to explain, accidentally bumping your phone and speed dialing someone and having them hear you, leaving traces of activities and having small children ask what happened... NOT that I am speaking from experience or anything ahem*blush*
Copilot- usually your dreams are your brain's way of trying to tell you something. It might be that a change is coming or it might be that your subconscious is trying to warn you to think carefully before getting involved with the same kind of guy. Just take care of yourself and it'll all work out
You're only young once, but you can be immature any time!
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Quote:
Originally posted by msg:
The not saying no thing just might be a girl deal ( help me out here those of you women who are more up on female behavior)
Oooh, I had a real problem with this a few years ago. I could never come right out and say I wasn't interested in a guy, which led for awkward avoidance tactics. It got so bad that I didn't even stop my then boyfriend when he wanted to have sex and I really didn't which left me feeling really horrible and unhappy (whilst in retrospect I am appalled at my own lack of self-confidence I am also annoyed with him. I wasn't subtle in that I wasn't in the mood. Kept saying I felt sick. The fact that I wasn't more forceful in my rejection was a lot to do with the fact that I was about to break up with him but wasn't in the mood to have the big break up then and didn't want to have to explain why I wasn't in the mood. It's interesting that until then I'd thought that sex wasn't something I was hugely emotionally invested in but the dirty feeling I was left with made me REALLY never want to get into a more ugly situation)
Sorry, long ramble to say that yes, inability to say no does afflict some of us but it is a bad thing associated with poor self image.
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Hisssssss!
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After stuying human beahvior for a fair amount of time I understand the redirection and distraction methods of non committal individuals. What gets me is when the plans are made she always adds fuel to the fire. Adding the details of the plan. We could go here for lunch, we could get in a game (of pool) if there's time, we could get dressed up. Damn, maybe those are the distractions. Using her femanine wiles to lull me into a false sense of security. That way I'm not angry when she don't show up. You wonderful ladies really pegged it. Thanks, that makes what I will say on Friday all the more easy. You ladies rock.
COPILOT- MSG is right. Let your dreams be your advisors, but not the dictators of policy. Your mind, body, and soul's warning bells are sounding. Just remember that he is not the same individual as the ex. Try not to punish him for the sins of others (been there, it sucks).
Jayne: I was gonna get me an ear too.
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ok I guess I've lurked this thread long enough.
I don't get the cuddling with friends thing. I just couldn't ever see myself doing that. And I like to cuddle with girlfriends. It's just such a different dynamic than if it was with a friend. At least to me it is.
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Quote:
Originally posted by nvghostrider:
Using her femanine wiles to lull me into a false sense of security.
Just try not to be too paranoid about things. I'm sure things will go the way they're supposed to.
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Jayne: You wanna go, little man?
Wash: Only if it's someplace with candlelight.
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Quote:
Originally posted by msg:
The not saying no thing just might be a girl deal ( help me out here those of you women who are more up on female behavior) I have noticed that a large number of women will try really hard not to say no.
Busted!!!
I was stuck in this for a long time, it took me a while to figure out that it doesn't work. Gotta just say no when I'm not interested, and assume the loss of *me* won't break his delicate little heart. [/self-depracting sarcasm]
I think there is a social training behind it though. I was not encouraged to state my opinion growing up. I'm so over that!!
I'll volunteer for the TMI! My story of a good place: vacationing at an adult resort in Jamaica, there was this cushioned window seat that looked right out on the beach, which was a narrow strip of land, small and private. There was usually no one out there. Me and my bf would sit in the window seat a lot, enjoying the breeze and the waves. One evening, right at sunset, we could just see a couple, in a secluded spot behind some trees... well, the mood spread. Not the roomiest window seat, but it worked out.
I'm really not one for public sex, but hey - it was Jamaica! That kind of thing happens.
TMI??
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I'm the president. I don't need to listen.
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I forgot showers! My shower is a stall, so there was never enough room in there. I agree; againt the wall/standing up is one of the most mind-blowing positions I've ever been in! Not because it was spontaious, because it was just... Well, you know. It felt good.
Passwords: hell no I would not let anyone have my passwords! They wanna read my e-mail that bad, I can pull it up and tell them to have at it, but I don't want anyone having access to my private accounts, by they banking, e-mail, or even this place. I have nothing to hide, I just protect myself. Seriously, what if you break up? You have to change all your passwords to prevent sabotage! Not that I want or expect that outcome, but it's common enough that I wouldn't want to risk it. I'm an open book in most cases and have nothing to hide; not ever. If someone thinks I'm hiding something, they are paranoid or stupid or both. And if they're at all worried, they can ask me. I know a lot of people aren't like that, though.
Saying no: if I really mean "No" I have no problem saying it. I had one guy accuse me of being really rude to him at one point because he asked if I wanted a drink as he was starting to pour beer in my glass and I snapped a "No" at him and he said I had been rude. I was like "Buddy, I don't know you, I don't know where that beer has been, and you didn't wait for my permission to start pouring it into my ice tea in the first place, so I didn't have time to tell you politely that I don't drink and am underage anyway so you just came very close to breaking the law." Man you should have seen his face! There was also a guy majorly hitting on me in a club at one point, and I straight up told him he was barking up the wrong tree. I don't have a problem saying what I think. I was raised by fairly free-thinking people; they never told me not to assert myself. And it just comes so naturally to me!
Copilot; direct dream interpretaion from a not-really-professional would be that you are, in fact, afraid of change. That is okay; most people are to some extent and you are going through a big one. At the same time, if I were you I wouldn't let someone like that into my bed again. Whether it's actually him or actually you, you are obviously not ready.
Hey, at least he didn't turn into your ex!
NV, I am glad all of us here could help! Good luck to you.
No Mal4prez, not TMI. Sounds very nice.
Whew! I wasn't off that long!
Oh, and dressing up my ex in frilly lingerie? 
Yes!
Actually, considering I met him at the Rocky Horror Picture Show, not sure how much of a punishment it would be. Of course, he only ever wore fishnet shirts, never went all out.
Let's do it!
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Mal4Prez, I think the thrill of being caught can greatly increase the passion of a situation. I envy you for Jamaica, though...
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