Idea for the next group of River hunters. *Spoilers for Serenity*
POSTED BY: Giantevilhead
UPDATED: Sunday, October 30, 2005 08:18
VIEWED: 4746
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OK, so the hands of blue guys are missing, presumed dead, and the Operative is a turncoat. The Alliance now needs someone else to track down River. How about a group of former Academy student who are all blind, deaf, anosmic, and mute? We know that River was the most promising student at the Academy so it's reasonable to assume that her psychic abilities are far superior to that of all the other students. To compensate for that, the Academy destroyed the five senses of some of its other psychics so that they would have to rely entirely upon their mind to perceive the world which strengthens their psychic abilities to a level equal to or even greater than that of River’s. Plus it would be cool if they have the ability to destroy the five sense of other people What do you think of this idea?
"I swallowed a bug." -River Tam
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Quote:
Originally posted by Giantevilhead:
OK, so the hands of blue guys are missing, presumed dead, and the Operative is a turncoat. The Alliance now needs someone else to track down River. How about a group of former Academy student who are all blind, deaf, anosmic, and mute? We know that River was the most promising student at the Academy so it's reasonable to assume that her psychic abilities are far superior to that of all the other students. To compensate for that, the Academy destroyed the five senses of some of its other psychics so that they would have to rely entirely upon their mind to perceive the world which strengthens their psychic abilities to a level equal to or even greater than that of River’s. Plus it would be cool if they have the ability to destroy the five sense of other people What do you think of this idea?
"I swallowed a bug." -River Tam
What do I think? Um...
I really hope this doesn't sound harsh, but your description just screams "team of Mary Sues".
1. A team would make more sense than one if they weren't as powerful as River, but why make them as powerful or more AND have all five?
2. How the hell would a team work, seeing as they couldn't communicate long distance? Fighting River's one thing, and tough enough, but tracking her down will take work over long distances, how would they do that? Telepathy in the series seems fairly short-range, and there's no reason I can see to think it would be otherwise. Since they can't speak, are deaf, and are blind, there's no way they could communicate long-distance.
3. This part: "Plus it would be cool if they have the ability to destroy the five sense of other people". No, it would make them Mary Sues, and I see no way they COULD really.
I mean, the basic, basic concept is OK (trying to send another psychic Academy student after his/her whose sixth sense has been honed by lack of other senses) and even somewhat interesting - don't get me wrong, it is - but you've got a bit of a case of "overkill" here. ^^;
A good place to go for advice on fanfic WIPs (Works In Progress) is godawful.net's "In Progress" forum. They have a lot of Firefly/Serenity fans on there (that's partly why I got into it, I think; because a lot of them have good taste and are fans of it, and that encouraged me to check it out), and they really know how to avoid creating Mary Sues!
And if you'd like, I can beta for you once you've got a first draft. I'm already betaing one or two other Firefly stories, both because the writers decided I gave very good advice (one of them even recommended me to the other one). One of them even has a problem similar to yours in that she had a concept that could potentially work, but her character keeps going into Mary Sue territory (thank goodness she's willing to listen to advice! She's a pretty good writer, but what really makes the difference between a "pretty good" writer and a really good writer is being able to accept criticism and getting past your Mary Sue stage, which I think most writers go through at one time, so you're not alone!
I went through one as a kid when I first started writing. My first three attempts at epic stories were all full of Mary Sues, one of them I might someday go back to in the form of a enormously revamped parody series - it was so bad, I don't think I could be completely serious with it anymore - one was completely abandoned because I got bored and it really wasn't that good, seeing as I was in thrid grade at the time, and the third one, Fang Shui, has had the good fortune to stay with me over the years that I learned what a Mary Sue was and why it was bad, so I could fix the characters so that they weren't Sues, and I'm currently still passionately devoted to it and to making it as good as possible) A lot of stories that are or have the potential to become Mary Sue stories can be fixed if you're willing to work at it. Since it's fairly early in the creation process, it sounds like it can be fixed even more easily.-Runa27
Can't Stop The Signal
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1. They only match River's psychic abilities. They have one sense to substitute for five and they have to rely on it all the time, it is as much a strength as it is a weakness. Sure they can perceive things in greater detail and at greater range than the five senses but they're not going to be able to use telepathy, postcognition, clairvoyance, clairaudience, clairsentience, whatever the heck psychic taste and smell are called, all at the same time, they'll be able to use two maybe three of those abilities at the same time. Not to mention the fact that they'll be completely helpless if their psychic abilities are suppressed or disrupted.
2. Visual communication + sign language. Plus each of them would have a normal person to speak for them.
3. Well, got to give them something to match the hands of blue's hemorrhaging device.
Oh and I don't really intend to write many fanfics since I'm a bad writer. I'm only good at coming up with insane and twisted ideas.
"I swallowed a bug." -River Tam
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Dont you think the Alliance wont be putting so much resources in it now?
I mean the reason the Alliance wanted her back soo badly is because of the secrets she 'possibly' learned, right?
Well, the reaver secret is out... I doubt the effort will be so swift.
And besides, I think lab created ewoks and their chiwawa (<--spellin?) pets should hunt them down. They'd get her because they'd be distracted by the cutenes... then suddenly.. BLAM! EWOKS HAVE FANGS!
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River could still hold many secrets plus if the Independents are planning another war, they'll be looking for River and the Alliance would not want her falling into the hands of the Browncoats.
"I swallowed a bug." -River Tam
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Browncoats reorganizing?!
Hah... good luck!
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Quote:
Originally posted by Giantevilhead:
1. They only match River's psychic abilities.Quote:
Not according to you. and I quote:Quote:
Academy destroyed the five senses of some of its other psychics so that they would have to rely entirely upon their mind to perceive the world which strengthens their psychic abilities to a level equal to or even greater than that of River’s.
This "only matching" her abilities was NOT in your original post. Please don't pretend it was. You said match or GREATER. That pushed it over the edge into "overkill" a tad.Quote:
They have one sense to substitute for five and they have to rely on it all the time, it is as much a strength as it is a weakness. Sure they can perceive things in greater detail and at greater range than the five senses but they're not going to be able to use telepathy, postcognition, clairvoyance, clairaudience, clairsentience, whatever the heck psychic taste and smell are called, all at the same time, they'll be able to use two maybe three of those abilities at the same time. Not to mention the fact that they'll be completely helpless if their psychic abilities are suppressed or disrupted.
This sounds slightly better, but as I said, the issue wasn't the idea of using a supression of the senses to enhance the psychic abilities, it was the "overkill" factor. ;)Quote:
2. Visual communication + sign language. Plus each of them would have a normal person to speak for them.
Uh... VISUAL?
Let's quote you again, shall we?:Quote:
Academy destroyed the five senses of some of its other psychics so that they would have to rely entirely upon their mind to perceive the world which strengthens their psychic abilities to a level equal to or even greater than that of River’s.
In case you hadn't noticed, sign language/visual communication takes VISION, which is one of the five senses. ;)
Besides, it still doesn't address the fact that, without eyes, they couldn't really communicate long-range. I don't mean a few hundred yards, either, I mean across an entire planet. If they can do THAT with their minds, it's very Sueish.
I think you also might consider exactly what "the five senses" means. It includes "touch". See, I don't see how you could destroy a person's sense of touch without making them either paralyzed or less effective as a fighter. Also, considering your entire body is wired for touch, I don't see it being easily destroyed.
See, if you left touch in, though (maybe slightly diminished, but still there), they could communicate through a coded form of braille or some other similar touch-based communication. That would take care of the really long-range stuff.Quote:
3. Well, got to give them something to match the hands of blue's hemorrhaging device.
Actually, you don't "got" to give them something like that. And hell, at least the Blue Hands guys had an actual device. It wasn't their MIND. That's just, as I said, a bit of an overkill.
Also, the fact that they apparently operate on psychic abilities alone but still apparently manage to be effective fighters/hunters is impressive enough. And if you really want to give them something like the Blue Hands' hemmorhage device... why not... you know... give them the same device?Makes more sense within what we know from canon.
Quote:
Oh and I don't really intend to write many fanfics since I'm a bad writer.
And if you continue to say that, you will ALWAYS be a bad writer. NEVER call yourself a "bad writer", even if what you write does tend to be crap or you're just not happy with it. At the point where most would call you "bad", you are a writer in training. ;) It's just like walking or learning to talk or learning to do anything, really; you have to crawl long before you can run a marathon, and you may never be able to run that marathon, but you sure as hell won't if you keep saying "I will never be good enough to do it". Never say you're "bad" at something. Say you're still leNOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
It doesn't really matter if their psychic abilities are greater than that of River's, they still have their weaknesses. Plus River is the most gifted student at the Academy, she's a lot smarter than these guys, although these guys aren't exactly dumb.
They have clairvoyance, they can see, just not with their eyes so visual communications and sign language would work.
Touch is way too important a sense to be left intact, they would depend on it too much and it would hinder the development of their psychic abilities. As for destroying their sense of touch, the Alliance can probably come with a way to destroy all the sensory nerves on the surface of people's bodies, it won't completely destroy the sense but it'll be enough.
I doubt that they would do a lot of hand to hand combat, they'll probably use guns and special assassin weapons.
This is a rough description of these guys. I don't want to reveal everything about these guys. I've already given away too much. If these guys were in the show, it would take at least half a season to reveal the secret of their "condition" and the rest of the season to reveal who controls them, how they're controlled, how they can be fought, and various other secrets they hold.
I'm a bad writer because there is too big of a discrepancy between the way I think and what constitutes as good writing. I think the way Yoda speaks and most of my thoughts are too eccentric to be articulated in a way that people can understand. Half the time I don't even understand what the heck I'm thinking.
"I swallowed a bug." -River Tam
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Quote:
Originally posted by Giantevilhead:
I'm a bad writer because there is too big of a discrepancy between the way I think and what constitutes as good writing. I think the way Yoda speaks and most of my thoughts are too eccentric to be articulated in a way that people can understand. Half the time I don't even understand what the heck I'm thinking.
I think you misunderstand me; you are only a truly bad writer if you aren't willing to work at the craft or rather, at how you use it in your stories.
As far as coherency goes and whatnot... that's what betas are for, you know.
So long as you're willing to listen to and take advice, you're not a truly horrible writer, trust me. Again, you'd just be a writer still learning the craft, which puts you in the same boat as a LOT of other people.Eccentricity isn't bad in and of itself, either. Firefly is actually somewhat eccentric (like that wouldn't be obvious, what with there being cowboys in space that speak Chinese and fly a spaceship that looks like a giant - if kinda cute - bug), yet here we all are, aren't we. Buffy was extremely eccentric when you think about it, and THAT one was a smash hit and is part of our culture now. I think your main problem isn't that you have odd ideas (because odd ideas can be made to work if you want them to), it's just that you're worrying about just getting the ideas across, right? Well, again... a beta cah help ENORMOUSLY with this. That is, in fact, the entire point of a beta; to tell you what's confusing and how everything comes across to the reader, and to help you make things less confusing and get your message across to the reader.
Again, you are only a bad writer if you consciously CHOOSE to let yourself become, or worse, remain one.
And also again, as I said I'm perfectly willing to beta for you.
-Runa27
Can't Stop The Signal
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I understand you perfectly. You have misunderstood me. I have a non-Euclidian, Lovecraftian, Cthulhu, Elder Gods, the Tick type of eccentricity. Not only are many of ideas incoherent, the majority of my coherent ideas would prove to be extremely unpopular. Once I had an idea for a sci-fi story that took place after a nuclear war where the Soviets won. When I was a kid I had an idea for a superhero called the Insomniac, who had the ability to manifest his dreams into reality when he became extremely sleep deprived. Another insane sci-fi idea I had was about a group of people who traveled back in time 6 billion years and discovered that the earth did not exist. Those are some of my least insane ideas; my truly insane ideas would make your brain explode with jelly beans and gummy worms.
"I swallowed a bug." -River Tam
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