GA1661

Hi all! I'm currently in the process of putting together two fan-fics, the first of which will be my first ever! The big thing I'm looking for here is constructive criticism on story development; I have a lot of experience in non-fiction writing, so grammar and punctuation and all those fun things shouldn't be an issue... but this is my first attempt at plot-based fiction where I've had to adhere to someone else's baseline. [i]Trials and Redemptions[/i] is set post-BDM, and I haven't integrated any elements from the comics since I haven't read them, although I did need to edit the ending of the movie slightly to facilitate certain plot elements. The story picks up at the cut-scene after the Operative gives the order to stand down. I tried really hard to write the opening about fifteen different ways so that I could avoid changing the ending to the movie, but it just wasn't working, so I hope all of you die-hards out there aren't too terribly offended. Right now, I have the entire plot laid out, and at least sketches of all 30 chapters, and I've left the ending open such that I could write a sequel if people like this first bit. This first bit will be PG-13 for the most part, but I'll mark the excessively violent sections NC-17, as well as any that end up going beyond just kissing. :smile: The one thing I could really use is a beta-reader or sounding-board to help me with time-line continuity and character speech, as those are the two issues which are slowing me down at the moment. It's hard to write [i]all[/i] the characters equally well at the same time and match their voices, but the good news is that I am noticing inconsistencies and odd speech patterns during re-reads, so I have been able to fix most of them. As for the continuity issue, I'm trying not to squash the story together into too short a time frame, but I'm having trouble writing filler that isn't complete sugar. I'll go ahead and warn anyone who is going to read this that my vision of River is perhaps a bit eccentric, and you may not really like her. I hate seeing her cast as a superhero in [i]every single fic[/i] I read, so I've deliberately tried to avoid that here. However, I think if you give her a chance, she'll surprise you. I've finished chapters 1 through 4, which I've posted now, as well as 12, 13, and 21, and have significant pieces of others done (5, 11, 14, 15, 19, and 20). I'll probably be posting one chapter each week as soon as I finish Chapter 5 (hopefully in the next couple days). My other piece, [i]Broken and Repaired[/i], is completely AU to the comics and the BDM. I've hit a bit of writer's block on this one, but it's definitely different than anything else I've read. SPOILER ALERT![spoiler]The main focus will be on Kaylee/River, Simon/Inara, and Mal/OC, but I had a brainstorm the other day, and we [u]might[/u] see Jayne being invited to "help" Kaylee and River.[/spoiler]This will not be PWP, as I really do have a story to tell here, but given the nature of those pairings... let's just say a good number of chapters may be NC-17. This one isn't nearly as far along, but I do have a plot outline finished for most of it. I think I may shelve this until I finish [i]Trials[/i], and maybe complete this before writing the sequel. Of course, commentary from readers could sway that decision!

OREOISFIREFLY

***************Incoming Transmission************ Cortex Search Results: Organizing Profile Alliance Code 3456: running program @ 345.9 mgz- loading proper vectors for cortex program sequence. Functions working Properly Micro Scan working Properly Cortex Loading information ***********Opening Member Profile*********** Name: Skye L Jordsons Code Name: Oreo Age: Unknown Hair: Varies Eyes: Varies Weight: Last Known @ 255 Height: Last Known @ 6'1 ****opening Cortex Video Bit**** HI, I'm David Grotivo for Planet News. This late breaking story has just come in. Reports of a verse wide man hunt is underway for the capture of an alleged fugitive known as Skye L Jordsons ,alias Oreo.Skye was a willing volunteer of an Alliance Military Weapons Program call "Operation reaver Echo One". A Proto-type one failure of a series of three.The fugitive escaped from the facility that was based on Silas 5. Details of his escape are still unclear at this time. The fugitives whereabouts are unknown at this time as well, but Witnesses of the Silas 5 explosion, that happened a few months back have described a man matching the fugitives description, placing him at the scene during what the Alliance is calling, A "tragedy". Witnesses also say, that working in conjunction with the Fugitive, was a small group of individuals that sources say are responsible for placing more then sixty-two deadly explosive devices throughout the Alliance complex.They too, are also wanted by Alliance Authorities. Alliance officials had this to say on Tuesday; "After a month of excavation and recovery, we have yet to find any remains or a body of the Fugitive Skye L Jordsons a.k.a Oreo. This leave us to believe that he is still very much at large. Please use extreme caution. He should be considered unstable and extremely armed and dangerous. ****Closing Video File**** ****Opening Primary Evaluation File**** Voice Log Number 12: Skye displays rage and anger when shown pictures of families and other things that would normally bring out happiness and joy in a normal human mind. The process of altering a human mind into pure aggression and hate is now at fifteen percent. Voice Log Number 22: Echo One, as he is now dubbed is now at forty-three percent. He has begun showing remarkable signs as his body begins to transform. Its fascinating. Once enraged, marking appear on the torso, chest, arms, hands and neck. Symbols maybe, i have tried to compare them to some ancient marking from back on earth that was, I was able to only come up with one possibility. Ancient Rune, probably Scottish or Irish. Also, the eyes react to the change as well. turning from there natural hazel color to pure white. the pupils basically turn invisible, but the eyes are still able to react to natural light, wind, cold, heat, just like a normal set of eyes. Voice log 175: ECHO ONE IS LOSE! HALF THE STAFF HERE IS ALREADY DEAD! BLOOD IS EVERYWHERE! THE RESTRAINTS DIDN'T HOLD, THEY WERE NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO SUB DUE ECHO ONE! HIS MIND FINALLY SNAPPED, HES GONE INSANE! THE EXPERIMENT WAS A SUCCESSFUL FAILURE! OH GOD! PLEASE,YOU HAVE TO DESTROY HIM BEFORE HE IS ABLE TO REMEMBER! WE SHOULDN'T HAVE EVER TRIED TO............................... ****Closing Evaluation**** ****opening Secondary File**** Known Affiliates: Drake Darker, Jason Becham a.k.a Frost, DocKat Jordsons, ShinyFrye, Captain Shadow, PathFinder, Elbarto and O2 Known Relatives: Father (deceased), Mother (deceased), Sister (Still Living) ****Closing Secondary File**** ****Opening Secondary Primary**** Occupation: Mercenary For hire Skills/Abilities: Small/Medium Weapons Specialist, Explosives Tech,Small Crafts Pilot, Small Blades and Sharp Objects Specialists, Small Electronics Tech, Small Weapons and Electronics Fabricator ****Closing Secondary Primary**** ****Opening Third Primary**** Alliance Arrest record: File no longer exists, possible corruption of file. Presence of a cortex hacker detected. ****Closing Third Primary**** Cortex Search; no

NEWOLDBROWNCOAT

saw the doctor the other day- bp down to 150 over 82, almost a 40 point drop. Which suggests to me that either the first reading was a fluke, caused by pain, stress, or anxiety, or else this one was. The doctor even agreed- says it's too soon for diet, meds or exercise to have done that much good. Meanwhile she says that ideal B P would be 120 over 60, so I got a long ways to go, and incidentally , to lose 30 pounds. so I'm eating a better diet, mostly doing portion control, still walking, taking the meds. Doesn't seem like I'm gonna have a stroke tomorrow, which is the good news, but I'm on a lifelong treadmill, it looks like. I'm encouraged, but still not happy. Meanwhile , just saw a local college production of Midsummer Night's Dream, set in the late 60's, with music by the Beatles, mostly. Had a good time, they did a good job,it was funny, it's one of my favorite plays, and the music grabbed my by the heart- I didn't realize, really, that the Beatles could make me feel like that. Their music is good, of course, and I grew up with it, but I wasn't that big a fan back then. It sure put me in a sentimental mood the other night , tho...

COSMICFUGITIVE

Ugh.. The issue of exposure is always a tricky one. As a Deviantart addict, I've heard countless stories of people's artwork getting pinched and plastered all over the net. Also, people's images being used as promotional posters for gigs. Anywho.. Every now and then, I carry out a google search, to see if any of my work has landed on some random obscure site. Copyright is important. My sis produces her own music, and has faced problems, when her vocals or tunes have been banded around various Myspace sites without her permission. My work has never really gained much acclaim online. I've been pretty safe over the last four years, (since I began to upload stuff), tucked away in some corner of obscurity. Now, I find one of my pieces of artwork on this site:

FLAME

You can't stop that crazy SERENITY ... Raleigh is doing it again. And this year, we will be showing SERENITY twice, Sunday June 22 and Monday June 23, to raise money for Equality Now. Tickets are already on sale, with discounts available for those who want to attend both nights, and/or who buy tickets before June 1. There will be plenty to do and see, as if the BDM wasn't enough! There will be a costume contest, trivia contest, raffle, free giveaways, SERENITY movie prop display, Joss Whedon birthday party, Mal's shooting gallery, and more (see website for schedule -- some items are happening on either Sunday or Monday only). Tickets, sponsorships and more information via the event website:

UPPERSON

So I have been trying to join the crew of the Wash, but it seems that they are a just a [i]leeetle [/i] short on trust, those folks! lol For now a little bio on Linn Jansen, starting with the fact that this is not my real name, but comes pretty close, my real name is a mite longer! So Name: Linn (Upper) Jansen Age: 26 Occupation: Student (was working on Masters in Genetics) Birthday: 10 July 1981 Criminal record: None (came close though) Millitary: No affiliations Skills: Basic DNA manipulation, good shot (not excellent) and excellent horseman. Reached Firefly: Wash due to unforseen side effects of an experiment performed by a friend. Friend is missing. Linn suspects that she might be slightly less firmly set in time than she was before the accident.

SHINYBRIT

I wrote some music the other day (on the guitar) and I am having the hardest time coming up with lyrics to put to it. It's a slow finger-picking song, and I've attempted to write lyrics, but was blatantly unhappy with them. As usual. So, what I was thinking was... maybe you people could give me some ideas of what to write this song about. I'm kinda sick of doing the whole "how I'm feeling" thing. It always turns out emo-sounding. lol. So if you all wouldn't mind... I would appreciate if ya'll gave me some ideas of what to write this song about. Whether it's about Firefly, or political, or whatever... I just need suggestions!! Please and thanks. :smile: -Brit