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« Show all entries for OCTOBER 2009
Sunday, 11 October 2009 19:58:41
...but according to the EPG it's not called Serenity, it's called "Spin off of tv series Firefly." Far more catchy title don't you think?
Sunday, 11 October 2009 20:57:28
Well, now that I've posted my latest chapter, I feel like I can maybe admit to some stuff here without it sounding too much like whining, or like I'm making excuses to not write. I'm not exactly normal, as some of you who have talked to me over e-mail can attest. I'm struggling against some mental illnesses that make it hard for me to be functional day to day. Anxiety is the big, BIG one. Even simple tasks that most people wouldn't think twice about are formidable for me, like calling a stranger for business over the phone, or even driving somewhere in a car. There are times when my life becomes a complicated dance of avoidance and fretting, to be overcome only by sheer personal force of will. Most times, I fight this by keeping my life as settled and organized as possible. I do everything in manageable, incremental steps, plan everything out to the last detail, and I schedule ahead of time all chores, errands, recreation, business, and etc. This last week, at work, there were some major last minute changes in plan for something I'd been working on that left me scrambling for transportation. There was panic. And I think worrying about this trip, even in the weeks before, had bled some anxiety and anxiety derived depression into my attempts to write at night and on the weekends. This plus not sleeping well and getting headaches, plus other things constantly coming up on weekends needing attention (like the termite thing), made it difficult for me to concentrate when I did have time to write, and was making me having to put aside pre-scheduled writing time. This made me frustrated, and therefore gave me MORE stress, from something that I normally do to try to unwind. Anyway, having posted this chapter, I feel a lot more calm. I'm even going on a drive today, to practice, which also helps with driving related anxiety. I guess I just wanted to share that I'm feeling better. And perhaps, big picture, that doesn't really make much difference. But at least I have that. Writing on next chapter will commence either Monday or Tuesday, depending which day I'm not watching the new episode of Castle. :)