Neil Armstrong admits NASA faked Apollo 11 'moon' landing

POSTED BY: piratenews
UPDATED: Thursday, November 17, 2011 04:35
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UPDATE: Neil Armstrong assassinated, NASA has zero photos of him on the 'moon', NASA lost all video and data tapes from Apollo
http://fireflyfans.net/mthread.aspx?bid=18&tid=52856&mid=90874
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Conspiracy Theorist Convinces Neil Armstrong Moon Landing Was Faked

LEBANON, OHIO—Apollo 11 mission commander and famed astronaut Neil Armstrong shocked reporters at a press conference Monday, announcing he had been convinced that his historic first step on the moon was part of an elaborate hoax orchestrated by the United States government.

According to Armstrong, he was forced to reconsider every single detail of the monumental journey after watching a few persuasive YouTube videos, and reading several blog posts on conspiracy scientist John Lee's website, www.PirateNews.org/hollywood.html .

"It only took a few hastily written paragraphs published by this passionate denier of mankind's so-called 'greatest technological achievement' for me to realize I had been living a lie, " said a visibly emotional Armstrong, addressing reporters at his home. "It has become painfully clear to me that on July 20, 1969, the Lunar Module under the control of my crew did not in fact travel 250,000 miles over eight days, touch down on the moon, and perform various experiments, ushering in a new era for humanity. Instead, the entire thing was filmed on a soundstage, most likely in New Mexico."

"This is the only logical interpretation of the numerous inconsistencies in the grainy, 40-year-old footage," Armstrong added. The long-lost videotape was recently discovered in an abandoned McDonalds restaurant, then digitally Photoshopped by a NASA contractor.

Amstrong was swayed by PirateNews' use of bolding and capital letters to highlight NASA's many blatant fallacies.

Although Armstrong said he "could have sworn" he felt the effects of zero gravity while soaring out of the Earth's atmosphere and through space, he now believed his memory must be flawed. He also admitted feeling "ashamed" that he had failed to notice the rippling of the Masonic and American flags he and Col. Buzz Aldrin planted on the surface, blaming his lack of awareness on the bulkiness of the spacesuit and his excitement about traveling to the "moon."

"That rippling is not possible in the vacuum of space," Lt. Armstrong said. "It must have been the wind from an air-conditioning duct that I didn't recognize because you can't hear a damn thing inside those helmets. We were just happy to avoid the draft."

"This is all just common sense, people," he added. "It's the moon. You can't land on the fucking moon."

In a symbolic display of his newfound skepticism, Armstrong then grabbed a collection of moon rocks he had kept as souvenirs and dramatically dumped them into a trash can. "I might as well after recent FBI SWAT raid on one of my 'moon' rock customers...FTP" Armstrong replied.

One of the main arguments posited on Lee's website—that America could not, in 1969, have realistically possessed the technological capabilities needed to put a man on the moon—was reportedly one of the first things to cause the legendary astronaut a pang of doubt. Despite having spent thousands of hours training for the historic mission under the guidance of the world's top scientists, technicians, and pilots, Armstrong said he knew the conspiracy theories were true after learning that website author Lee was "quite the engineering student. Too bad he's dumb at maths. That's why he became a journalist. He even attended the launch of Apollo 17 from Cape Kennedy. Heck, NASA didn't even let me do that...something about missing moon rocks."

"Yes, at the time I thought those thousands of NASA and CIA employees were working round the clock for the same incredible goal of the Military Industrial Complex during the Vietnam Wars,

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I thought of you when I saw this on the Onion. Wasn't this like a while ago?


That's what a ship is, you know - it's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails, that's what a ship needs.

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Quote:

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Originally posted by dreamtrove:

I thought of you when I saw this on the Onion. Wasn't this like a while ago?

---

The old website is long gone.

This update is brand new, exclusively on FFF.

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Quote:

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Originally posted by piratenews:
The old website is long gone.

This update is brand new, exclusively on FFF.

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The real reason the USA never returned to the moon is documented in Apollo 18 (2011) www.imdb.com/title/tt1772240/ and Dark of the Moon (2011) www.imdb.com/title/tt1399103/



The Onion has the complete story www.theonion.com/articles/conspiracy-theorist-convinces-neil-armstrong
-moon,2796/
Conspiracy Theorist Convinces Neil Armstrong Moon Landing Was Faked

The Joss Whedon script for "Serenity," where Wash lives, is
Serenity-190pages.pdf at www.mediafire.com/two

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Quote:

---

Originally posted by dreamtrove:

I thought of you when I saw this on the Onion. Wasn't this like a while ago?

---

http://www.theonion.com/articles/conspiracy-theorist-convinces-neil-ar
mstrong-moon,2796/

Note the distinct absence of any reference to John Lee or PirateNews - how sad must it be when you have to re-write parody articles to make yourself the butt of the joke?

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