Reaver Report
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
This dates back to when the Official Browncoat site was up. They had a contest to write a newspaperesque report about a reaver attack. I decided to take a crack at it and this is the end result.
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 2411 RATING: 8.0 (PG) SERIES: FIREFLY
I.A.V. Qián Shí Huà
2517.05.15
15:25
Responding to a distress call on Ita
An Officer and a soldier walk through the halls to an elevator, they enter and the soldier pushes a button. ‘Tier A, Deck 32. Interrogation bay’ the two men stand in silence for a short while until the Officer speaks up.
“And who is this man that we picked up?”
“His name is Nathaniel Thomas, Sir. The rescue team found him holed up in a cave about 4 clicks from the settlement of Lains. He was mumbling about death from the sky, howls of wolves, and something about wearing skin.”
“Any clue as to what happened in the settlement?”
“No Sir, there appeared to be no survivors and Lains looked to have been ravaged. Also several ships were found scattered near Lains in a 10 click radius. Most just short range shuttles, we think they belonged to a transport class ship we found among the wreckage. The odd thing about that particular ship was that some of the main thrusters were crushed, looks like a grappling device of some sort.”
The officer took a moment to digest some of the information as the elevator came to a stop and opened its doors.
“I’m going to have a little talk with Mr. Thomas. Meanwhile, you head over to Communications and get them to dispatch some salvage crews, dohn-ma?”
The soldier saluted and took the elevator back down. The Officer clasped his hands behind his back and headed for the room that held the key as to what happened on the Settlement.
“They come from above……All they do is feed……..skin is a trophy……..many trophies….one thing…no telling where they might be next….”
Outside of the room two guards stood watch calmly, trying to blank out the ramblings of the man inside. When the two guards saw the officer they approached and saluted him. The officer shot a glance through the window, “This the guy from Ita?”
“Yes Sir, He’s been going off like that for hours. I think he’s calming down, earlier he was mentioning bodily organs and feasting on human flesh.”
Nodding the offic
I like the idea of a draft. Creepy, yet effective.
- Soul
I wondered how the Reavers number wouldn't eventually dwindle.
One thing I noticed is that the story changes tense from time to time, sometimes even in the same sentence, such as this one: "Before long, he notices the soldier is still continuing the wave; he shook his head as he remembered how inquisitive salvage crews are." Which tense is better is a matter of personal taste, but whichever you choose, it's a good idea to make sure it's consistent within the same time frame. By that, I mean you could do something like present tense for the main story and past tense for the flashbacks (like when Nathaniel is talking about the attack or having his dream), but it should just be the same throughout each of those time frames to avoid confusion or jarring the reader out of the world of the story. One minor quibble I have is that Bill's wife is first referred to as Sheri, and he later calls her Sheila. Is that intentional -- does he forget her name in his psychotic frenzy -- or is it a typo?
Anyway, excellent job, Jazaf! I look forward to reading more of your work.
-Jazaf
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