Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

The Long Road Home

Thursday, February 23, 2006

A crew and there ship damaged during a reaver attack on the alliance outpost where the crew of the serenity just robbed.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 1575    RATING: 5.0 (PG13)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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Once again, he found himself in the pilot seat of his beloved Peacemaker, even though every time he piloted, they always ended up in trouble.

Captain Carson Delphi was 5' 11" with golden brown hair that flowed down to his shoulders. He wore a brown leather bomber jacket, with an Alliance patch split in half on his left sleeve. He wore comfortable black cargo pants and a worn black tee.

"We will be experiencing some shaking, so... strap in!" Carson shouted over the comm. Why is it that every time I pilot, there's trouble?

"Where is Rick!?!" the Captain yelled. Just as he finished his statement, Rick Densdon came running in wearing his standard uniform of grey sweat pants and black t-shirt. His hair was cropped short, with weird streaks that Carson could never tell were red or pink.

"Carson, you tyen shuh duh, can't you ever just wait for me to get the ship in orbit?" Rick grumbled, more to himself than to carson.

Clutching the controls as tightly as he could, Carson glared at Rick with as much spite as he could muster "Rick... Grab... Controls!!!"

BOOOOM!!!

Peacemaker shook so violently that Carson was thrown from the pilot's seat onto the ground. Rick hit his head on the co-pilot's seat, and was promptly knocked unconcious.

Carson staggered back to his feet and took the helm yet again."Gorramit!" Grabbing the comm again and yelled, "Renda get up here now!"

It was at that point that Carson saw it.

Filling the viewport was the Reaver attack ship he liked to call The Scissors.

Comments
LITHAIRIAN
Thursday, 23 February 2006 04:19
please leave comments, its only my first one after all...
Thursday, 23 February 2006 04:51
It’s a pretty good start for a first time, but you may want to consider revising it, just to make the description and conversation run smoother. It's a little choppy, but I think you'll get the hang of it after you write some more. Another tip, make sure you know where your going for the rest of the story, (there is going to be more? I hope.) I’m just trying to offer some constructive criticism.

Keep flying'
Send some more of the story along, I’m still waiting to see what happens with the reavers.
LITHAIRIAN
Thursday, 23 February 2006 05:04
yes, there will be more, and i had the idea of each entry would be from another crew members POV
Thursday, 23 February 2006 17:26
sounds awsome. I started something like that with a couple of my friends where each of us would write form the point of view of a certain character and come with a large intresting and varying story.

keep flying.
Tuesday, 28 March 2006 17:35
reavers. yipes!

b

ps. good first effort *gives thumbs up*

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