I am an instrument of God.

I walk in his light. I follow his path. I speak of his teaching.

I have devoted my life to spreading his words.

I am paying for my sins.

There was a time. Before. Before the abbey. Before Serenity. Before River. There was a time my path was less noble. Less righteous. Less honorable.

They knew. They all knew. I was too familiar with guerilla tactics, too proficient with firearms and, ultimately, had too much access to Alliance facilities. They knew and they asked. And although I never told, they never doubted.

How a man like Malcolm Reynolds could blindly trust in the face of my past, I was at a loss to understand. Did he not question my motives? Did he not doubt my purpose on his ship? Did he not fear me?

Maybe. But I was family. I became part of his crew. Despite my familiarity with guerilla tactics and proficiency with firearms. He trusted me.

And I never breached that trust.

I am an instrument of God.

I gave up my sinful ways years before. I am no longer the pawn of a government out of control – doing the wetwork of individuals unconstrained by the laws that they, themselves, created. I denounced those ways and threw down my sword.

I did not come for River. I did not know of her when I took up my journey with Serenity.

She was special. She was a true innocent. She was a weapon.

And I vowed to keep her safe from those that would seek her claim.

I know these men. I was once one of them. Yet, they have not yet renounced the killing, the unethical experimentation, the disregard for individual life. They still cling to the belief in an ordered society no matter the cost. They still serve the master from which I had broken free. And they would come for her.

I am an instrument of God. And I would lay down my life to protect River.

I will die for her.

I am paying for my sins.