Blue Sun Room FICTION - HUMOR

The N Platoon

Thursday, January 12, 2006

First of all, I am not a natural speaker of English. However, I tried my best in terms of grammar and spelling. The N-Platoon is of course a funny reference to the real world - I won't spoil here ;-) By the way, this is my first fic ever. Not that it matters.

EDIT: Thanks to lvs2read I was able to eliminate most of the grammatical errors :-)

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 3514    RATING: 8.0 (PG)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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“I slapped him.”

“Didya?”

“Sure.”

It was cold in the valley. Zoe and Mal had one of those funny little conversations which kept them going in this war.

Suddenly someone yelled at them from the east flank.

“Another five bit the apple, Sargent!” Language changes during war.

**few hours later**

“It's getting dark Sir. Campfire?”

“Campfire.”

It never needed many words between them if it's a military topic.

“What do we have to eat?”

“Well, here are beans with onions, onions with beans and a liquid mix of both.” Zoe tossed the cans over her shoulder as she read. Mal wasn't very happy with that menu, especially the after effects part.

“Zoe, go get some wood for the fire.”

“Anything else honey? Perhaps a fresh beer from the fridge?”

**One hour later**

Mal returned with enough wood for at least five decent campfires.

“Always over the top, aren't we?”

“Guess we are.”

**20 minutes later**

“All right, everything is ready. Set it on fire Zoe.”

“Me, Sir?”

“Of course you. It's your turn.”

“This is really breaking my heart Sir, but you are wrong. You must have the matches since our last five star bean meal.”

Mal checked all his pockets including the smuggling ones he secretly added to his coat.

“Seems an awful lot like I don't. Must have lost them when I threw away that shackle.”

“That might not be our only problem, Sir. Someone's coming.”

Zoe was right. A person came from behind a little hill walking directly towards them.

“Doesn't look like one from our platoon.” Zoe was very cautious and put her right hand on 'the big damn gun in the ridiculous holster' as she called it.

“Yeah, but his coat has a brownish color to it!”

A few moments later the young man with the brown coat stood right in front of them. Zoe took the initiative (as usual).

“Who the hell are you?”

“Erm, Zoe, maybe this not-so-friendly attitude might not be a wise idea right now.”

Mal turned towards the stranger.

“Now, tell us who you are or I'll shoot you.”

Zoe nodded

“Very friendly, Si

Comments
Thursday, 12 January 2006 18:44
Cby,

This was very well done! Loved the humor. Newbies (or, as my kids say 'noobs')! LOL Gotta love 'em, they try so hard! *g* Mal & Zoe's back and forth banter was perfect!

You did have a few mistakes in your grammar, but not as many as I've seen from other non-native speakers. If you'd like corrections, let me know. And if you write any more fanfic I'd be happy to beta it for you.

"I love my captain."
CBY
Thursday, 12 January 2006 18:58
I'd really appreciate any linguistic help :-) Just send me your corrections via PM and I'll see to them.
Thursday, 12 January 2006 19:26
hee-hee, clever! Yay for cheering newbies!
Thursday, 12 January 2006 21:11
I love beans...mmm

Beans is "Musical Fruit".
Thursday, 12 January 2006 22:49
wow...WOW, Cby!
you have one hell of an amazing talent! I've always loved Mal and Zoe's banter and wordless understanding, and you've truly captured it here!
Thanks for sharing with us, I hope you'll continue to do so!
:)
the last line is (in my humble opinion) writing at its perfection.
Thursday, 12 January 2006 23:45
Nice, very nice!! Interaction between Zoe and Mal is always great! You did a good job :-)
Friday, 13 January 2006 00:02
Really loved this, might there be more? Fell about laughing when Mal asked the newbies what their skills were and was told 'cheering'. Um, that'll be good in a firefight. Hope you are working on a sequel. Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me
Monday, 16 January 2006 14:45
"From now on, you will always obey all my orders as this woman does!”
Zoe started laughing hysterically.
“...most of the time."
i could totally see that happening. nice job!!

b

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