Chapter 1: Francesca
It was official: Francesca was the perfect woman. There was no denying it and nobody would dare disagree. Though she was only twenty years of age, she was wiser beyond her years. That’s what happens when you grow up in a companion house, when you learn how to be independent, to be authoritative, taught the ways of seduction and sexual gratification… whilst other children the same age are learning how to insult and hurt each other in classrooms. As others would be rehearsing school plays, Frankie would rehearse the 32 positions of San Khung. Of course, she was not only an incredibly beautiful young woman with a handle on her sexuality, but she had a wider knowledge of history, science, maths, languages et al, than most teachers. Her entire life had been devoted to learning, and now she was passing that knowledge on by teaching. She was my teacher… and I loved her.
I loved everything about her, and not just the superficial things such as her beautiful face and the perfect construct of her body, but who she was. She was not a pushover – she would take her stand for what she believed in, and would not be swayed by what others said. Some would call that stubborn, I called it admirable. Not only that, but she had a wicked sense of humour and her penchant for putting her foot in her mouth (metaphorically… though she could do it physically too) through quick-witted comments meant that we were perfectly suited… or not, depending on whether two people who have the habit of offending humourless officials is a good match.
Of course, there was more to it than that. My feelings for Frankie ran deep and even when she was playfully insulting me, I loved spending every minute with her. Unfortunately, I never felt that she felt the same way about me. I suppose the relationship we had with each other wasn’t conducive to turn into a romantic one, not at that stage at least. I was a newbie, having been at the companion house a little over a year. At the beginning, I was a virgin learning how to seduce and
So I'd welcome any input you have regarding how I might improve. Keep in mind though, that this is just the first chapter, with more emphasis on introductions at this point than actual "events". I'll hopefully get to the main event, or thrust of the story, by the end of chapter 2, or 3 at the latest
You can't take the sky from me
To address the "no Firefly cast in the story" issue, it's easy to picture this in the Firefly verse. Easy to imagine Inara's tutelage being very similar. Your words "paint" a good picture. Plus the Browncoat Official Sites Reaver challange called those entries fanfics but had no constraints about having original crew in the story.
Plus the sign of a good writer is not having to rely on gimmicks or familiarity and still being able to impart the flavour or the Firefly verse. And to that end, I say mission accomplished in spades!
Looking forward to the next chapter!!
Seriously though, I'll take your points into consideration. To be quite honest, I'm viewing this as more of a writing exercise than anything else. Maybe as I get better and can think of a story worthy of inclusion in the Firefly story-arc, then I'll write one. Until then, I'm going to leave them out of the Needy adventures.
Safe and Serenity - thanks for your support and encouragement. I believe the story won't get going till the next chapter though. I hope you like it
Keep doing what you're doing. My only suggestion would be that your syntax is too "Earth that was" and not the 'verse. "Jerk" in particular and even "No dicks." Then again, say those two in Chinese and you're in the 'verse like *that*
Chinese is tricky stuff, but when used well, only turns your work even more toward the flavor of Firefly.
Now - enough of that. There's two more parts waiting!
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