There once was a doctor named Tam

who got into a bit of a jam

He helped his sister break free

but then they had to flee

And then found themselves on the lam

*

Mal Reynolds once fought in the war

but now there ain't much to fight for

He sails 'round with his crew

and his passengers too

And his true love, Inara, a Companion

*

There once was a man with no name

at the crew sideways he came

He was told "kill the girl

to create better worlds"

but the Reaver fleet thwarted his aim

*

Oh Wash was a pilot with pluck

On a Firefly he tried his luck

He pulled Crazy Ivans

But there's no way of survivin'

a Reaver lance--gorramit, that sucks

*

Yo-saf-bridge shacked up with three men

She tired of all of them, then

When she ran out of luck

*Fox has censored this line*

She tried it with Malcolm again

*

Simon was Kaylee's big flame

but he never made good on his claim

so we don't know whether

what went 'twixt her nethers

was better or worse or the same