Author’s Note: I went to see Serenity last night, and from start to finish, I was enthralled. All this from a show I never even watched while it originally aired. In fact, I came to know the characters and really love them by reading fanfics, and then finally got to see the show on Sci-Fi.

Any who, as anyone who saw the movie knows, there are a few really sad moments, moments that pretty much had me in tears (and I never cry at movies). I got home and wrote out the following, all the while unable to believe Joss had done what he’d done. Call it dealing with the grief. Read, enjoy (hopefully), and let me know what you thought.

Disclaimer: Firefly and all characters within is the possession of Mr. Whedon, Universal, and other interested parties, but not I (unfortunately). I am making not a cent off of this, so please sue me not!

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Everything hurts.

It hurts so bad that it doesn’t feel like much of anything anymore. I’m too hurt to cry and too tired to care, and all I really want to do is sleep. Which is what I would do if I could. I feel cold, constantly cold, and tears want to come, but they’re locked up somewhere deep and everything feels tight, impossibly tight, and...oh my god Wash, why did this have to happen?

There’s a hole in my heart as wide as the universe, and nothing will ever fill it again. I’m numb. I used to think I knew what that meant. I mean, after all Mal and I went through during the War, seeing friends die all around us, the relentless death and destruction, I felt sure I knew all about numb.

But that was before, before Serenity crashed, and for a split moment, trembling and afraid to turn around, I thought we were all dead. I just knew if I turned, called to him, his body would be broken and bloody. So I waited. And then, I heard his voice, clear and with a touch of that mock bravado I loved teasing him about.

“I am a leaf on the wind...watch h-” A crash, and that was all. It was so fast