Gone gone. Everyone eventually left and was gone. Gone gone. Even River had gone away for a while. Yes, indubitably. Now Inara too had gone gone. She didn’t agree at all with the so-called logic Inara had used to justify her leaving. Not at all. Emotions too strong for words or thought or action. Distrust. Trust. Love. Lust. All filled the air like expensive perfumes. Lingering, never quite dissipating. Diffusing all throughout the ship. Diffusion: the movement of molecules from an area of high concentration to one of lower concentration to achieve equilibrium. She can still feel tingles along her skin whenever she stands in that place on the catwalk where Inara had told Mal she was leaving, like a hundred little ants running up and down her arms giving her goose bumps. Or maybe more like . . . Gone gone, everyone gone. Never apart yet always alone. He would never leave her. Her champion, her big brother. But no, that was neither true nor logical. He would eventually want to move on with his life. She knew, she knew. Eventually he would wise up and stop being such a boob when it came to Kaylee. The Captain hadn’t wised up. Inara hadn’t wised up, she just left. Gone gone. Outside emotions buffet her from every side. Anger. Pain. Sorrow. Shame. She closes herself off to them before they overwhelm her further. That’s how the others feel about Inara leaving. How did she feel? She isn’t usually one to self-psychoanalyze but she pauses a moment to think. She finds sadness in herself and hurt. But she also finds hope. Hope. What an odd emotion. So fragile yet nearly indestructible. Gone gone, hope was not gone. And she is not the only one who feels hope. Everyone has it buried somewhere. The Captain’s a bit more deeply buried than any of the others’. She should really have a talk with him.

She stands from her position in a nook of lounge and heads for the cargo bay knowing exactly where to find him.