Title: Jayne Woke Up FAIRY

Author: Moonloon

Rating: PG13

Disclaimer: Not mine. I'll put 'em back when I'm done. Sorry about the... shrinkage.

Note: There's a piece of artwork that goes with this. If I can work out how to upload it...

"Aaaaaargh!"

Mal stopped walking. There was screaming coming from Jayne's quarters. People tended to scream a lot around Jayne, either because he was breaking their limbs, or because he was driving them crazy with his ape-man logic. The screaming wasn't usually so high-pitched though.

He stuck his head down Jayne's ladder. "Uh... anything I should be concerned about down there?"

The screaming cut off, mid-argh. "No. Nothing wrong down here."

Mal wasn't reassured. It was Jayne's voice all right, but it sounded like Jayne had been sucking down helium, and Mal was damned sure they didn't have any on board. "Jayne, unless you've got a good reason for sounding like something has your nuts in a really tight vice, I'm coming down."

"Nooooo!" Jayne's voice squeaked high enough to make Mal wince.

"Okay, now do you.... gan ni niang!"

Jayne's room was covered in iridescent dust, and hovering in mid air was Jayne.

All ten inches of him.

With fluffy white wings.

Naked.

"Wa cao!" Mall spun around, so he wasn't looking at Jayne any more. He wasn't sure what he found more disturbing: the wings or the nudity. "What in the Hell happened to you?"

"It's that damned moonbrain!" Jayne squeaked. "She did this to me. You know she's got them spooky mind powers and all."

Unfortunately that made sense. "Why would River do that?"

"'Cuz she's crazy, Mal. What other reason does she need? And why am I talking to the back of your head?"

"Huh. You might want to cover up a piece before I turn back around." For some reason Mal's head was screaming 'tiny flying penis!' at him.

"Oh for gosh sakes, Mal. It's just a johnson, we both got one."

"And see how I'm not waving mine around in front of you."

"Fine." There was a ripping no