Before they can even step off the ramp, something that looks like a self-propelled lawnmower rolls up, and begins scolding them! “What are you barbarians doing? You’ve damaged my meadow! Go away!”

Jayne says; “ Jian ta de gui! (Like Hell!) I’m not taking no orders from some gorram machine. Get outta here!” and takes a swat at the mower with the butt of his rifle.

To the surprise of everyone, the machine reacts with anger; “Damaging maintenance equipment is illegal! This is MY meadow, and you will leave when ordered!" The engine rises in pitch, and the mower blades begin to spin, and extend further – it moves threateningly toward Jayne.

Suddenly the attack is joined by something that looks like a set of floating hedge trimmers! “And you singed the leaves on my trees when you were coming down! Can’t you be at least a little bit careful?”

Now they both launch themselves at Jayne, who finally has to retreat back into the ship. “What kinda place allows ruttin’ dangerous machines like that to wander free?”

With their target in retreat, both machines stop, then cry in unison; “Why couldn’t you land at the spaceport like civilized people do?”

The mower adds; “Don’t tell me Port Control told you to land here!”

Mal asks; “What gorram Port Control? We called and called just before we started down, and got no response!”

The clipper ask incredulously; “You called today? On a Thursday? What did you expect?”

"I expected someone to answer!"

"You mean you expected to actually talk to a real live person ?"

After several more fruitless exchanges, Inara steps forward and charms the machines into telling them where the Port is. As the two machines move close to her she pats each on a side, and they point to what looks like any other field, about a kilometre away.

Jayne mutters; “ Wu bu shin wo dah yan jing! (I don’t believe my eyes!) Is she goin’ to take the ruttin’ things to bed too?”

After several protests from the machines that they really