I

She is leaving.

The crew have mostly kept their distance since she announced it. Her explanation was clearly unsatisfactory. They had stared at her in disbelief and it had been Jayne -- /JAYNE/ -- who had asked her what the real story was. Kaylee has not spoken to her since. Book tried to get her to talk about it, and she had politely shut him down. Zoë looks at her with angry disgust in her eyes, and River merely smiles and says that they will keep the shuttle warm until Inara returns.

She is leaving.

Her shuttle is all packed up -- the walls, once draped in luscious fabrics, are bare. The scent of incense, even, seems to have faded as the trappings of her presence were slowly stripped away. Her boxes sit in the centre of the floor, between the sofa and the bed. Even the bed, once swathed in drapes, dripping with pillows, is almost Spartan now, stripped down to the strictly utilitarian parts: mattress, sheets, comforter and pillow.

She is terrified of leaving these people, leaving her home, but she's more afraid of what will happen if she stays. Terrified of these people becoming even more necessary -- terrified of losing a single one of them. She is horrifically close to being in a position that no Companion should allow herself to be put in -- horrifically close to giving it all up and settling down much as one could on a ship like Serenity. She caught herself thinking about what purpose she could have on the ship if she were not the Ambassador, what she could do to get by if she were not a Companion.

She is leaving because she must. Because change is inevitable, and if she were to stay, she is not sure what would change, but only that the change would be irrevocable. She could get lost in Mal's eyes, be swept up in the whirlwind of his strength and heart and never look back. She could and would be by his side until the day some hwoon dahn's lucky shot found its mark and stole him from her. Mal will never live safely, will never back down when he feels he is right, and Inara knows only too