Blue Sun Room FICTION - ROMANCE

Good Vibrations

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Mal & Kaylee get it on in the engine room. PLEASE REVIEW, this is my first Firefly fic so I'd love your thoughts. Lingo is probably not 100% right so any help would be shiny.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 3228    RATING: 5.0 (NC17)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly and I do not make any money from these writings. PLEASE REVIEW, this is my first Firefly fic so I'd love your thoughts. Lingo is probably not 100% right.

Serenity was hot as Hades as Mal stomped towards the engine room. Everyone else had deserted them to go exploring so it was just him and Kaylee on Serenity and the heat was not doing his mood any good. He was hot, sweaty and cranky. His feet itched in his boots and his t-shirt was plastered to his chest. As the sun rose higher so did the temperature inside Serenity.

“Kaylee,” Mal hollered as he stomped into the engine room “I'd be really appreciative if you could…” Mal stopped dead and could not utter another word. His normally happy go lucky mechanic was swearing very creatively in Chinese, which was not that unusual, but the heat had obviously affected her too as Mal had never seen her so…exposed.

She was wearing a tattered man’s singlet that looked suspiciously like one of Mal’s and satin boxers. Her long brown legs were bare and she had on purple socks with her boots. Her hair was up in an untidy, what did Inara call it? A topknot, but bits had escaped and were plastered to her neck with sweat. She had a smudge of something across her left cheek and she was the sexiest woman Mal had seen in a long time.

"Hey Capt’n.” Kaylee greeted him warmly as she always did, “Sorry but Boris is bein' difficult” and she turned and glared at the old air conditioning unit.

“Boris?” Mal spluttered trying to hide his amusement. Kaylee just nodded

“Yep he ain’t playin’ nice either.” she wiped her hands on some rag and pointed to an area buried under the machine. “In there and I can’t reach.” she turned and bent down to stare at the underside of the machine and gave Mal a tempting view of those long brown legs as her shorts rode up. He was trying to think of anything but his near naked mechanic and how very much he would like to be naked with her.

“Umm…can I help then?” he asked, expecting her to laugh. Kaylee kept hi

Comments
Tuesday, 11 August 2009 13:58
Hmm. I think this story could benefit from a little more focus on characterisation. To explain why Mal is suddenly sexually interested in Kaylee, whom he calls meimei (little sister) on the show. And why he's suddenly so sexually uinhibited.

I mean, this would work as just plain, original erotica as it is, but to make it a good Firefly fic you should try and make it a little more.. Firefly. As you've written the characters here, they seem very exchangable. Like you could cal them Ed and Judy, set the story in any car shop on present day Earth and it wouldn't matter at all.

I mean, obviously, this is more of a PWP and focuses primarily on the sex, but that doesn't mean it can't still benefit from being in-character, right? :)
Tuesday, 11 August 2009 16:04
Yeah, I think the fix removing the comment about dominance helped. There's still a few little minor things about how Mal acts, I don't think he'd be so straight-forward about sex because he's a bit puritanical about it. But I think as you write more firefly fics and practice more, you'll get a better feel for the characters. :)
Thursday, 20 August 2009 22:14
Yer its totally crap I know but at least its a start, thanks for the feedback anyhow,
Saturday, 26 November 2011 02:44
well i liked it but it needs more firefly and im not fond of kaylee and ml if u fixed mal for simon i would have loved it :)

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