Blue Sun Room FICTION - ROMANCE

Coming Clean

Friday, June 26, 2009

Post BDM; a response to Thomas Zhang's Steamed;

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 3227    RATING: 10.0 (PG13)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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There were moments that weren't agonizingly difficult. Moments when her whole body didn't ache, didn't sing with a dozen very specific and demanding voices of gasp-inducing need. Minutes at a stretch, sometimes a waking hour or two when Inara forgot how long it had been, when she forgot to congratulate herself on the pure torture of the path she'd chosen for herself. Locked in a tiny spaceship, millions of miles from escape, with the one man she'd ever met that she couldn't stop thinking about, yearning for. Dismaying but no longer a surprise, how her body reacted any time he was near. Making ready for something that still hadn't happened. No respite. No relief.

Apparently, this wasn't one of those moments. The water was warm, perfect, but it stung her skin into anguished prickles as she stood, rinsing the shampoo from her hair and trying to breathe. She absently rubbed one naked foot against the rough-textured tile of the shower floor, then caught herself in alarm, nearly moaning as the sensations flashed through her. Was this what she'd been reduced to? Some kind of thwarted, lust-drunk...ah.

Inara raised her eyebrows, inclined her head to look behind and above, then turned around completely to examine the mechanism affixing the shower head to the wall. It was there, tiny, but just where Zoe had said, a few mornings back, smiling over coffee, a quiet joke that was also an admission and, Inara hoped, a step forward.

She held her hand under the spray to rinse the last of the slipperiness from her fingers, then carefully dislodged the shining pin. She held the shower head close, letting it pass over her aching skin, over and closer as she shivered. Shut her eyes, leaned back against the cool cera-steel, bending one leg to brace her foot against the wall as well. Closer, hurtling like an arrow across the sky. Nestled her bottom lip in against her own restless tongue, stretched up. Closer, oh God. Curled her hand, her other hand, over the top of the pale gray shower door. Closer, as she gave up resisting

Comments
THOMASZHANG
Friday, 26 June 2009 14:56
As I said on LJ, darling, brilliant! I love it!
Friday, 26 June 2009 16:40
Oh hey! I was wondering if this was a response to Steamed, and then I see you've posted everywhere that it was. Guess I'm not very observant.

Interesting towards the very end, your take that Inara doesn't know the depths of his feelings towards her. I've always kind of assumed that she would, but perhaps, her own feelings and worries might keep her from that realization.
Friday, 26 June 2009 17:20
At the end, what Inara doesn't know is, what is Mal going to do. Not how he feels, but how willing he is to admit those feelings and act on them, if that makes sense.
Friday, 26 June 2009 18:00
That's a good perspective, after all, she never HAS been able to predict Mal. :)

I remember a line from another of your stories, about how she despaired about his courage in all things, except his own heart.
Friday, 26 June 2009 22:59
Oh my, this is the most beautiful piece of Mal and Inara I've read in a long time.

I especially like this,
"Who's the lucky fella?" This was a gamble, he knew. She'd had regulars; men she'd seen for years, men who'd had the chance to learn her ways. Might be the question he didn't want an answer to, finding out she yearned for some wealthy, mannered gentleman twenty worlds away. But she was still here, after all these long months, and he knew it was past time to find out why.

After all this time, he's got to be asking himself that very question. What does she want from this life on board his boat?

Are you continuing from here or the Misfortune?
Friday, 26 June 2009 23:27
Thank you for the lovely compliment!

I intended this to be a one-shot, but congruent with the general ideas I have for post-BDM. I'm still trying to sort that all out.

I have another chapter of the Misfortune about 2/3 drafted, but it's coming along slowly. I'm hoping, hoping to get it finished next month.
Saturday, 27 June 2009 02:45
Wow...perfect! Loved the apprehension in Inara's approach to Mal, and the implied pain in Mal when he let her know she already had his heart. Wonderful and unique perspective, and artfully understated. How you managed to bring in a feeling of the rest of the crew all present and accounted for in a fic like this is amazing - and well done! Well worth the wait, and looking forward to more.
Monday, 06 July 2009 11:17
Okay, I'll admit it. I had to ask Bytemite what the pin was. I was thinking 'why would someone have a dress-making pin in the shower'? Kept re-reading, squinting at the words, getting a sense of what was going on and that it was quite rude, but still stuck on the pin. Anyway, now that Bytemite has so delicately put me straight, I would like to invite everybody to Gillian's official induction into the FFF Hall of Smut (of which I am president). Because this might have had the usual GR tenderness and subtlety, but it was still very very rude indeed. (And yes, that's a good thing.)
Monday, 06 July 2009 11:18
Oh, and LOVE the title. Very clever.
Monday, 06 July 2009 17:05
Well, thank you! On a ship where our sweet Kaylee is the mistress of all things mechanical, do you think she would neglect to make the shower apparatus as versatile as possible? Charlie and I figured it was a running joke among the women on the crew for a long, long time :) I'll be in the shower :)

I can't claim credit for the title, that was terimaru's brilliant gift.
Monday, 06 July 2009 17:10
I should say, Thank you Madame President! And, should the smutty hand of inspiration tug at you, feel free to write a sequel. Because yes, love, yes, tenderness, yes, a heart awakening after being frozen in grief and pain for so long. Yes. That doesn't mean our Mal is not dying to see exactly what Inara was doing in the shower :)
Monday, 06 July 2009 19:08
It's been done, mate, and in great style, by hr_musings on lj, where it's part of a Mal-Inara Big Pay-off scenario. Did you ever come across it? - it was called 'Crash Into You'. But she seems to have deleted it. So, I'm not making any promises (I seem to remember now that I haven't delivered on a 'Kaylee Gives Mal a Manicure' fic), but who knows how and when the Smut-Muse will strike?
Monday, 06 July 2009 20:17
That does not ring a bell, and I definitely think I would remember such a story.

Who knows, indeed? But I don't want to distract you from your current series, I'm so eager to find out more! I was thinking about it today, driving around running errands, about how profound a betrayal was committed against Inara. By her doctor, someone she trusted, someone she went to and exposed her vulnerabilities to, her hopes and fears. The doctor who listened, spoke gently, dried her tears, and all the time it was utter betrayal and manipulation!
Monday, 06 July 2009 20:41
It's a shame she deleted it. It was really good.

As for your description of the doctor - that's going STRAIGHT into the next chapter. (Do you, ahem, beta at all?...)
Monday, 06 July 2009 23:47
Absolutely I beta, especially during summer vacation! Learning the truth about the doctor, I can see that affecting Mal (him knowing how reserved she is in letting herself be known, letting her weaknesses be seen, woe be to that Doctor if he ever crosses paths with Mal, Mal can be very scary!) and Inara, of course, terribly, as you have begun to show in the last chapters. But it also must be nigh intolerable for Simon even to contemplate.
Saturday, 25 July 2009 16:17
I've been meaning to read this for AGES, and, yes, I finally have, and, yes, it certainly did live up to my expectations. Umm. I have nothing useful or thoughtful to say. Just, yes (which seems to be the refrain of my comment). Yes, I liked.
Sunday, 09 October 2011 04:29
Rereading to celebrate!

Heh, I was wrong about the pin.

The discussion of what Inara knows, what she can predict, whether Mal might suspect he's the answer for why Inara still happens to be on his boat. This should spawn another email conversation.
Monday, 10 October 2011 02:04
Yes, hehe, sometimes subtlety tips over into ambiguous...no worries :)

Thanks for rereading, I reread myself today after your email and oh, how I love these two!

As for what Inara knows, I think she at some point has recognized his devotion for what it is. But she is also mature enough to know that love doesn't cancel out all the other problems a person might have.

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