Firefly, Serenity, and all related proprietary characters are the intellectual property of Joss Whedon and corporations with whom I have no affiliation. Said property does not belong to me, and the fictional story below is of my own creation. (I don’t own ‘em, just like to play with ‘em!)

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Inara was momentarily dumb-struck. “Excuse me? I could have sworn you just said River kissed you… not that there’s anything wrong with anyone kissing you as a general rule, but River… oh my, this will not end well.” Inara got up again and rushed back to the food, under the pretense of turning off the heating element to avoid burning the dinner, but in reality, Inara was just trying to stall until she could find the right words.

Jayne collapsed against the table, allowing his forehead to smack the wood with a loud thump. “See, this is what happens when yer nice to people. Gorram guarantee if anybody else finds out about this, I’ll be suckin’ vacuum in less than two days. Kaylee couldn’t possibly keep quiet, Zoë’d see it as ‘er duty to tell Mal, and if Mal or the doc find out, I’m a dead man.” Jayne clasped his hands over his head in exasperation.

Finally Inara regained her composure. Bringing a plate of food and a glass of water over to the table, she checked over her shoulder to find that River was still sound asleep on the couch before sitting down next to Jayne. “Well you need not worry, Jayne. I won’t say anything, as long as you’ll agree to be responsible about this and let me help both of you. And if somehow they do find out… well I’ll try to stop them from killing you… if I can help it, I won’t let them throw you out the airlock either. Although I suspect River might have quite the tantrum if anyone tries to hurt you.”

Jayne looked up to find Inara gazing intently on him, with a look of empathy in her eyes. Cautiously he nodded before beginning to eat. The pair sat in silence for a few minutes until Jayne took a break from eating. “How come ya didn’t assume it was my fault, or call me a le