Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

Breaking Down. Chapter 1

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Zoe goes into break down mode and the crew have to find out how to deal with it. Obviously Wash in compleatly terrified for his wife, but is there a secret to why Kaylee is so sad.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2213    RATING: 4.0 (G)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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Breaking Down. chpt 1

By: Keri Lewis

"Breaking atmo" Wash said to the captain

Mal sat cross legged in the co-pilots chair. Wash started humming a tune to a song he used to love.

"Would you cut that out!" Mal snapped

"Captain's in a grumpy mood" Wash joked

"Humph"

Zoë walked in to the bridge looking utterly terrible.

"Zoë, baby, are you okay?" Wash asked.

"No"

"What’s wrong?"

Zoë shook her head, and collapsed. She fell right onto Wash's lap. He looked like he just watched someone die.

"Get the Doc!" He yelled. Helping up Zoë, who lay over him like a rag doll.

"What’s up with her?" Jayne asked as her came in. "The doc is down in there, best get her, down there too"

Wash glared at him.

Mal saw Jayne's hands ball into fists.

"Hey" He said standing between the two. "No fighting, Zoë’s...,um, well she's, not doing good"

"They’ red be no fight Mal" Jayne said, "They’ red only be me beating up Wash as he lay there he-"

"That’s enough Jayne" He turned to Wash, "Come on lets get her down there"

They lifted her together and brought her down to the infirmary. Kaylee and Inara were sitting on the sofa talking, when they arrived.

"What’s wrong with Zoë?" Kaylee asked

"She just fell, for no reason!" Wash said as they brought her onto the table "Now, where’s the doc?"

Just then Simon ran in, "What going on?" He asked "I heard a bang"

They all looked at each other, "No bang, just Zoë fell on to my lap, it didn't make a bang" Said Wash.

"Then, what-"

"Hey" Mal cut Simon off "Just, you know, look at her. Do your job, ask questions later"

Simon nodded and went over to Zoë. He looked over her several times before he spoke.

"Nothing is wrong with her on the outside. But I'm reading some stress and ..." He looked at the screen in horror.

"What is it?!" Wash yelled

"She appears to be...having a mental break down"

"What in the 'verse do that mean?" Kaylee asked.

"It means, well it means..." Simon looked at the screen again. "Alright, it means, right now, she's in a worse condition than River is in, right

Comments
Sunday, 02 March 2008 17:44
PLEASE COMMENT!!!!
Sunday, 02 March 2008 18:21
continue please, I want to know what happens next
Monday, 03 March 2008 13:05
You really need a beta and to tidy up the dialogue which in places is really painful to read. For example you have Jayne sounding like he is incapable of putting two words together and the spelling needs sorting too. Plus some of the characters don't sound right. Ali D
You can't take the sky from me
Monday, 03 March 2008 14:39
Alright, my computer's spell check is really bad, but i'll try it again. The point is Jayne can't really talk right now, it ties into the story later...
What do you mean the characters don't sound right???

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